Is it really beneficial?

Sabina, I feel for ya. I really do. I’ve been there, done that, and had to deal with the fall out as well. But I have to ask, since I asked myself this same question, is it really beneficial? Sure, they help you get a release that, let’s face it, is completely different then the one you can provide yourself, but do you gain anything from it? And, although we call them “friends” with benefits, are they really friends during the friends with benefits time? Or are they really just trusted living sexual aids? No more then a living dildo or a fleshy blow-up doll?

I know, that seems terribly uncaring and crude, but let’s face it, if they aren’t looked at as unfeeling sexual tools, then all you’re doing is lying to yourself and your partner(s). You’re in a full-blown adult sexual and emotional relationship! That’s just how it works. I’m not saying it’s love. It doesn’t have to be love. But the absence of love does not mean the absence of feeling and emotion. In fact, I don’t think it’s actually possible to have sex with the same person more then once without having feelings and emotions attached to that person. It’s human nature. Humans bond through shared and similarly-shared experiences. You can’t get a much more shared experience then consensual adult sex.

So I say that if you can confide in someone, look forward to being with someone, and put your trust in someone while having sex with that same someone, then you have no right to expect that person to maintain an emotional distance. It’s ludicrous! You’re defying the very definition of a friend.

You want a friend with benefits? Get a dog or a cat (the benefit is there’s none of that sexual tension, they don’t talk back, and you can lock them in a room when they get really annoying and they don’t hate you for it). You want a friend with sexual benefits, then call them what they really are, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, whatever. Just don’t expect them to be emotionless. You’re not.

Oh, and if you can handle more then one (I know I can’t) then do that. Just make sure they know what they’re getting into.

Still single and now getting off my soapbox,

Scott

[UPDATE] Just so that everyone reading this (especially Sabina) knows, I am not condemning Sabina for any of her actions in this blog. I can’t condemn her for doing something I myself have done in the past. I was just expressing my own experience-gained opinion on the matter of friends with benefits. Sabina is a good-hearted, thoughtful, fucked-up person just like me. I love her dearly and would not want anyone reading this to think otherwise. Okay. I feel better now. S.

Advertisements

2 Responses

  1. very well put, Scott.

  2. I think you’re right, Scott. Friends with benefits is rarely just an unemotional sexual agreement. In my own experience, someone who agrees to such a situation agrees because they figure some kind of intimacy is better than no relationship at all. I think the real problem is our need to label things. If we are sexually fulfilled with someone who is also willing to meet for coffee and pick up the bill at dinner, and who maybe even remembers our Birthday, then who cares about the title?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: