Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays

Are you a wild and crazy, single-and-happy-about-it, free-spirit that’s finding it hard to cope with the incessant questioning by “supportive” family members? Do you dread holiday get-togethers because people “in love” don’t understand you? Have you taken drastic measures in the past to avoid these people?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then the “Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays” is what you’ve been looking for!

What you’ll find in the “Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays”:

Combat Comebacks: The art of expertly picking apart your annoying relatives!
Pre-emptive Strike Guidance: How to get to them before they get to you!
Lying to Grandma: How to sugar-coat the bullshit!
Pre-gather Punch: 12 delicious recipes sure to have you slurring before the first question!
Homo-elusion: Real, homosexual-tested, gay statements to once and for all stop the questioning!
Plus Much More!!!!

Only 8 easy payments of $19.95!!

Order now and receive, free of charge, the “Pocket-Prod”! The world’s only pocket-size cattle prod!

Actual Customer Testimonial — “They wouldn’t stop asking me questions! But one touch of the Pocket-Prod and, voila, no more questions! Thank you, Pocket-Prod!”

Actual Customer Testimonial — “My Pocket-Prod arrived in the mail today and I can’t believe how cute it is! And it fits so easily in my purse! I can’t wait for Grandma to ask me about grandchildren this Christmas!”

!!On-Line Special Only!!

Order on-line and get the Pocket-Pod “Crippler” attachment! Twice the power! Three times the fun!

Still single and anxiously awaiting delivery of my very own Pocket-Prod with Crippler attachment!

Scott

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3 Responses

  1. Ah… I think I’ll leave the homo-elusion to my gay cousin… He’s a master (and still, they keep asking when he’ll get married), but the cattle prod! I want one! And the pre-gather punch sounds like something I’d try… as long as I can get someone else to drive…

    The worst thing about the questions, for the past few years, is that, age-wise, I’m “next”. The last wedding was a cousin who is less than a year older than me, and somehow my family still believe that marriage, kids, etc. should go in order. Truthfully, I can’t wait until someone passes me and I officially become the old maid… then they’d just feel awkward around me and stop asking questions (they did with a gay older cousin when they skipped him), but unfortunately, I’m one of several black sheep in my generation, and no one seems to want marriage anytime soon.

    Next year, I’ll be able to pull the “no money for the flight thing”, but I guess this year, I’ll have to suck it up.

    S.

  2. See, I’m pretty sure my family *thinks* I’m gay, but they don’t want to say it out loud, so they just don’t talk to me about relationships at all.

  3. If your family is like mine, you could spell it out in neon and they still wouldn’t want to say it out loud… or even acknowledge the fact and stop asking.

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