Lesbians Are Complicated

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard a woman tell me “Men are assholes, I should just become a lesbian” I’d have…well, realistically I’d only have about a buck. But my response will always be the same–“Lesbian relationships are just as, if not more complicated!”

You want an example? Say you’re friends with someone. Say you and someone are staying overnight in a crowded house and you and that same someone share a bed. Voluntarily, mind you! Say that you and that someone spend some time laying in bed, cuddling up, and whispering secrets and talking about hopes for the future. Say you and that someone have a nice, comfortable evening together and all is dandy. What does it mean to you?

Chances are, if you’re two heteros of opposite sex, it means that you’re having some kind of connection and that you’re probably both thinking about getting it on. But if you’re gay? Well, then things are a bit more complicated, aren’t they? Because girls have a special role for each other, and that includes cuddling–even in the straightest of hetero friendships. Girls like to cuddle. Girls like to share secrets. Girls like to be close. So then how the hell does a lesbian know if she’s a friend of a girlfriend?!

Well there’s one easy way to tell–just wait until the next morning! Because a night of shared cuddling between two lesbians will ultimately result in someone needing to discuss what went on. And there will have to be a conversation about what it all means. And someone will have to say “we’re just friends, right?” and someone else will have to say “of course we’re just friends. I love you.” It can get very complicated for lesbians to be friends!

So, dear readers, let me make a blanket statement just to clear the air. I am not interested in bedding you. Even if I kiss you or make out with you for an hour, I’m not interested in having sex with you. If I want to screw you, you will know because I will tell you. Are we all clear on that now?

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What I Wouldn’t Give For Love

I wouldn’t give up my rights, my body, or my identity.

I wouldn’t give up my vote, or my voice.

I wouldn’t give up my values and ethics, nor would I give up my spirituality.

I wouldn’t give up my independence for the sake of a partner’s need to be dominant.

I wouldn’t give in to cultural standards of beauty and gender, nor would I give up my own style.

I wouldn’t give up my family and friends, nor would I give up my social life.

I wouldn’t give up my hopes and dreams.

I wouldn’t give up my optimism, or my desire to see the world as a beautiful place.

I probably wouldn’t even give up my animals.

Love doesn’t ask you to give away parts of yourself, it appreciates you the way you are.

What wouldn’t you give for love?

Angsty Single Lesbian Seeks Solitude

I have been unusually quiet in posting lately, and I do have an excuse; I have been very busy being a Northwest cliche. I have been creating an Organic Garden with a very hetero male friend of mine. We spend our time tilling and amending soil, measuring out plots, and of course sowing lots and lots of seeds. And I must say, “dirt therapy” is far more satisfying than any relationship I’ve been in! There’s nothing better than going out into the garden, beating up on the very forgiving soil, and watching something beautiful grow from it. I often think that it would be impossible to find a partner who could truly understand the satisfaction that comes with home farming.

On a side-and-not-completely-unrelated note, I encountered someone yesterday from my past. Someone who I once lusted after with great vigor. This woman was and remains an enigma to me. I met her through a group of friends, via introduction from Scott, as it so happens. She was described to us before she entered the small pizza parlor. A bi-sexual Latina with all the right curves. Tattooed and lovely. Looking around the table at a group of attractive people, I made the early assumption that she wouldn’t have any interest in me, so I put my nose back in the book I was reading. Was she gorgeous? Absolutely. Was she entertaining? Absolutely. And there I was, playing it cool with my nose in a book at a social function. Lo and behold if she didn’t interact with me! We went out dancing that first night, and I admit that I was taken with her. It didn’t go anywhere, and that’s okay with me. She’s married and has a baby now, so everything turned out the way it was supposed to.

The encounter has had me thinking for the last 24 hours about how I approach women. When I make an effort to meet someone, it usually goes awry. When I keep to myself, I apparently give off some kind of cool vibe that makes me interesting and approachable. So with that in mind, I’m looking at a Spring/Summer season full of functions and events that could bring any number of possibilities…as long as I bring my book and keep my cool!

Post-Valentines Slump?

I’ve personally never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s because I broke up with my first girlfriend just three weeks before the day of romance. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent every consecutive Valentine’s Day since, alone. Maybe it’s because I just don’t believe in dedicating a single day to showing one’s love for their partner. In any case, it comes around every year and I am subjected to overwhelming evidence that Valentine’s Day is only important to people who are actually in relationships. For the singles in the world, it’s just a day to rub in the fact that we have “failed” to make ourselves into a socially acceptable Pair.

And now the roses-and-chocolates holiday is yesterday and we can move on with our lives. But it feels like we haven’t actually moved on. People I know are still talking about how wonderful it was to have breakfast in bed with their hubbie/girlfriend/fiance. How they’ll never be able to eat “All-Those-Chocolates!” How they feel like the luckiest girl/boy in the world to have such a romantic partner. And here I am, wondering what that actually feels like. Is Valentines Day different when you have a partner? Would I appreciate it more if I weren’t so desolately single?

What I Miss Most

When I take the time to stop and reflect on how I feel about my current case of singledom, I generally find that I’m not unhappy being single. Most of the time, I actually kind of enjoy it. It means I can plan my weekends without consulting someone else. It means I don’t have to shave my legs if I don’t want to. It means that I don’t have to deal with someone else’s array of personal issues when I’d rather face my own. I don’t even miss the sex. And really, I don’t get lonely because I can almost always find someone to go to the movies or dinner with me.

What I do miss, is the kissing. Ohhhhh, the kissing. All varieties; the good morning peck, the public lip-lock, the soft and caring forehead kiss, the deeply penetrating “I-Want-You” frenchie. *sigh* There’s something particularly fantastic about kissing, and I’m not the kind of person who can make out with a friend and not feel awkward about it later. I think the joy of kissing is that giddy feeling I used to get as a kid, when kissing was the most intimate thing two people could do together. It was a rush of blood, a facial flush, a galloping heart, and a flip-flopping stomach. Am I alone in remembering those giddy days?

Sealed with a kiss,
HippieChrissey

New Year, New Plan

Scott has commented on his absent co-bloggers, so I thought I’d post a little note.

There have been no new developments in my life, which is why I’ve been away. I have been focusing on investing in my friendships–after all, it’s friends who stick with you when the romantic relationships go sour. I haven’t been meeting new people, and I suppose that’s on purpose. I’m waiting until I feel a little more…marketable?…before I put myself back out there. I have a theory that you can’t be involved in a healthy relationship until you’re in a healthy state of being. So this year will be my year to get healthy and stable. To get into a place where I’m ready to settle down with someone.

But don’t think that means I’ll be staying home alone! I’m most excited about a friend’s Birthday party that will involve a whole new group of lesbians I’ve never met. Look out girls, here I come!

Children

I love children. They are such beautiful, tiny pieces of human innocence. They are precious and darling, and they are able to turn the largest, gruffest man into a marshmallow. Children are amazing and I dream of having some of my own.

Unfortunately, as a single lesbian, children are not traditionally seen as a part of my future. Of course there are many who say that there’s nothing wrong with a single woman adopting and raising children on her own–it’s certainly been done before! But I came from a single parent household and I know how incredibly hard it is to raise a kid with just one income, and just one parent.

I think this may be the driving force behind my interest in dating. It’s not so much that I’m lonely and wishfully imagining romantic getaways…it’s that I ache for a family! Maybe not a white-picket-fence-2.5-children-and-a-dog kind of family, but a family of my own choosing.

Am I alone here? Or are we all ultimately driven by the desire for family?