Lesbians Are Complicated

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard a woman tell me “Men are assholes, I should just become a lesbian” I’d have…well, realistically I’d only have about a buck. But my response will always be the same–“Lesbian relationships are just as, if not more complicated!”

You want an example? Say you’re friends with someone. Say you and someone are staying overnight in a crowded house and you and that same someone share a bed. Voluntarily, mind you! Say that you and that someone spend some time laying in bed, cuddling up, and whispering secrets and talking about hopes for the future. Say you and that someone have a nice, comfortable evening together and all is dandy. What does it mean to you?

Chances are, if you’re two heteros of opposite sex, it means that you’re having some kind of connection and that you’re probably both thinking about getting it on. But if you’re gay? Well, then things are a bit more complicated, aren’t they? Because girls have a special role for each other, and that includes cuddling–even in the straightest of hetero friendships. Girls like to cuddle. Girls like to share secrets. Girls like to be close. So then how the hell does a lesbian know if she’s a friend of a girlfriend?!

Well there’s one easy way to tell–just wait until the next morning! Because a night of shared cuddling between two lesbians will ultimately result in someone needing to discuss what went on. And there will have to be a conversation about what it all means. And someone will have to say “we’re just friends, right?” and someone else will have to say “of course we’re just friends. I love you.” It can get very complicated for lesbians to be friends!

So, dear readers, let me make a blanket statement just to clear the air. I am not interested in bedding you. Even if I kiss you or make out with you for an hour, I’m not interested in having sex with you. If I want to screw you, you will know because I will tell you. Are we all clear on that now?


Angsty Single Lesbian Seeks Solitude

I have been unusually quiet in posting lately, and I do have an excuse; I have been very busy being a Northwest cliche. I have been creating an Organic Garden with a very hetero male friend of mine. We spend our time tilling and amending soil, measuring out plots, and of course sowing lots and lots of seeds. And I must say, “dirt therapy” is far more satisfying than any relationship I’ve been in! There’s nothing better than going out into the garden, beating up on the very forgiving soil, and watching something beautiful grow from it. I often think that it would be impossible to find a partner who could truly understand the satisfaction that comes with home farming.

On a side-and-not-completely-unrelated note, I encountered someone yesterday from my past. Someone who I once lusted after with great vigor. This woman was and remains an enigma to me. I met her through a group of friends, via introduction from Scott, as it so happens. She was described to us before she entered the small pizza parlor. A bi-sexual Latina with all the right curves. Tattooed and lovely. Looking around the table at a group of attractive people, I made the early assumption that she wouldn’t have any interest in me, so I put my nose back in the book I was reading. Was she gorgeous? Absolutely. Was she entertaining? Absolutely. And there I was, playing it cool with my nose in a book at a social function. Lo and behold if she didn’t interact with me! We went out dancing that first night, and I admit that I was taken with her. It didn’t go anywhere, and that’s okay with me. She’s married and has a baby now, so everything turned out the way it was supposed to.

The encounter has had me thinking for the last 24 hours about how I approach women. When I make an effort to meet someone, it usually goes awry. When I keep to myself, I apparently give off some kind of cool vibe that makes me interesting and approachable. So with that in mind, I’m looking at a Spring/Summer season full of functions and events that could bring any number of possibilities…as long as I bring my book and keep my cool!

New Year, New Plan

Scott has commented on his absent co-bloggers, so I thought I’d post a little note.

There have been no new developments in my life, which is why I’ve been away. I have been focusing on investing in my friendships–after all, it’s friends who stick with you when the romantic relationships go sour. I haven’t been meeting new people, and I suppose that’s on purpose. I’m waiting until I feel a little more…marketable?…before I put myself back out there. I have a theory that you can’t be involved in a healthy relationship until you’re in a healthy state of being. So this year will be my year to get healthy and stable. To get into a place where I’m ready to settle down with someone.

But don’t think that means I’ll be staying home alone! I’m most excited about a friend’s Birthday party that will involve a whole new group of lesbians I’ve never met. Look out girls, here I come!


I love children. They are such beautiful, tiny pieces of human innocence. They are precious and darling, and they are able to turn the largest, gruffest man into a marshmallow. Children are amazing and I dream of having some of my own.

Unfortunately, as a single lesbian, children are not traditionally seen as a part of my future. Of course there are many who say that there’s nothing wrong with a single woman adopting and raising children on her own–it’s certainly been done before! But I came from a single parent household and I know how incredibly hard it is to raise a kid with just one income, and just one parent.

I think this may be the driving force behind my interest in dating. It’s not so much that I’m lonely and wishfully imagining romantic getaways…it’s that I ache for a family! Maybe not a white-picket-fence-2.5-children-and-a-dog kind of family, but a family of my own choosing.

Am I alone here? Or are we all ultimately driven by the desire for family?

Can Someone Tell Me How?

I saw this really really cute chick on the bus yesterday. The minute I saw her I was attracted to her. We rode along in silence, and then, to my utter disbelief, we got off at the same stop! Obviously we were both going into Fred Meyer, and were about to cross the street and parking lot together. This was my opening! This was the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and strike up a conversation! Maybe we could sit at the Starbucks inside and have coffee while we chatted!

As the distance to the front door closed in on us, I panicked. I hadn’t said anything yet and we’d been walking practically side by side for at least a whole minute! SAY SOMETHING!

My palms got a little sweaty and my tongue suddenly glued itself to the roof of my mouth. I imagined what her smile would like if she gave me a positive response. I imagined what her brow would look like as she sneered at my intrusion. A chance encounter could only go one of two ways–positive or negative. However, in my feeble, self-conscious mind, the imagined response is almost always negative.

By the time I had made up my mind to say something droll about the rain and life in Oregon, I was in the produce aisle and mystery dyke was nowhere to be seen.

So please, someone, tell me how to casually talk to strangers!

Lesbian Dating in Portland

I was talking about this with some friends the other night. See, Portland, Oregon is the lesbian capital of America. Portland has a higher per capita lesbian population than anywhere else. So, I ought to have the best luck finding the love of my life here, right?

Here’s what I have discovered about lesbian dating in Portland. When meeting up for that first date, there are two options: Starbucks at the Square, or the Egyptian club. And you can tell what kind of person she is based on which venue she chooses! Also, despite the high population of lesbians, the actual dating pool is kind of small, increasing the liklihood of continually running into exes or at least someone you’ve been out with before. Basically, it’s predictable and I’m thinking that the lesbians of Portland are in a rut.

I don’t know if straight daters experience this same rut or not. How can I get out of this rut? Maybe it’s officially time I looked outside of Portland?

The New Gal In Town

Gosh, Scott, thanks for that very enlightening introduction! (It’s okay folks, he’s practically my brother. Don’t we all make small allowances for family?! 😉

So I’m here to make a proper introduction. I’m Chrissey. I’m 29 years old, educated, and like 12% of all other Oregonians, unemployed. And yes, I like chicks. Have since I was 15. Don’t get me wrong, I like guys too. They’re great for checking out girls together!

So why am I here? Well, because I am also serially single. I tend to lean toward the term Perpetually Single, though, as it alludes to the continuance of a condition, whereas serially sounds like there have been breaks in the condition of being single. Which there have not been. Not really. Because the truth is that I have been in love with the same woman for going on 6 years now, and she remains…straight. And practically married. Will this unrequited love affair be my romantic demise?

In an effort to move on with my life, I have started adventuring into the tepid waters of dating. I hate every minute of it. I hate the panic that sets in when I realize my fears of rejection. I hate sitting through insipid conversation so as not to appear rude to someone I will probably never see again. I hate dating!

Needless to say, it’s a struggle. Especially when every girl I meet can’t possibly measure up to my best friend.