Great Date, Shitty Morning

Ok, first off, despite all that happened to me today, last night’s date was great!

I had a blast at the strip club last night. We laughed at the table, talked over a naked girl at the rack, and I got her number!!! Woo hoo!!!!!

And she loved my origami dollar bill rose (which she gave to our favorite stripper)!!!

Yes, I spent too much money, but it (she) was worth it.

Will there be more? I don’t know, to early to say. I sure hope so!

Now, to the shit!

I woke up this morning to the sound of a blaring alarm. In fact, my entire complex woke up to that alarm. We thought it was a fire alarm. It wasn’t, it was a fire-supression alarm. You see, the crackhead (literal, unknown to everyone in the building until the firefighters broke into the apartment and found 1 card table, 1 chair, 1 mattress, and about 1000 cigarette lighters and crack pipes) that lives uses the place above me (he doesn’t live there, just visits to smoke crack) didn’t have any heat on. Due to the lack of heat, one of the sprinkler-heads froze and burst, showering thousands of gallons of water down on my place. It took them an hour to shut off the water.

My place is ruined. The whole place is going to have to be gutted and redone.

BTW, you might want to wrap your electronics in plastic, water apparently has a magnetic attraction to electronics, because it managed to find all of mine. Yep, everything, 6 external hard drives, 5.1 speakers, 5 computers, 3 mice, 2 monitors, 2 portable dvd players, sound system, dvr, dvd player, wireless router, Nintendo Wii, and my 42 inch plasma TV.

Do I have renters insurance? Yes. Will it cover it all? I don’t know yet. Will I have to move out? While the repairs are going on, yes. Do I want to live there now? After it’s redone and brand new, yes! Does this suck giant donkey balls? Uh… that’s affirmative!

So, I have to apologize for not giving more information on the date. I know it deserves it, and I have more to tell, but for right now, this will have to do. Will I update you about it later? Probably not about this date, since I’m sans computer (I’m writing this from my dad’s new 27 inch iMac) for the foreseeable future, but anything new you will hear about.

Now, if only Sabina and Chrissey would live dramatic lives like mine (well, not just like mine, leave out the water bit) , maybe you all would actually have something to read!

Still single and now homeless, computerless, and generally stuffless,


Now What?

Okay. First date down. Now I just have to…

I have to…


Crap! What I really want to do is talk to her. Get to know her better. Go on another date.

But how do I do that without looking sad and desperate?

I know, maybe I should send her a stupid-funny text message!

While drunk!

And I should send it really, really late!

From Pendelton!

Wait, I did that already.


Hmm… This calls for contemplation!

Still single and (Stop thinking about her boobs!) contemplating,


Boobs, Beer, and Conversation

WOW! So that’s what they call a good date!

Yep. She had boobs! We had beer! And good conversation!

Woo hoo!

How do I express my happy-beer-glow? Simple!

Boobs! Woo Hoo! Beer! Woo Hoo! Conversation! Woo Hoo!

And, the question none of you have even considered yet? Date #2? Tomorrow night? Maybe!

Still Uno!


Boobs and why guys like them

Boobs. Breasts. Ta-tas. Melons. Call them what you want, guys love them! Big, small, perky, and even hanging low, guys just like boobs! They’re wonderful! They’re like fleshy toys we just want to play with. And women are always asking why! Why do guys like boobs so much? What is so fascinating about boobs?

Well, I’m going to let the secret out. I’m going to tell you the simple truth about guys and boobs. You see, it all started with the first piece of clothing that covered a woman’s chest. Ever since then, they have been filling our dreams and dragging our eyes down when we talk to you. We can’t help it. It’s natural to want that which we can’t have. By hiding them under clothing, we can’t see them, so now we really, really want to see them! Now they’re special. If they were out all the time, we’d lose interest. They’d just be another body part. But they’re not, so we ogle and stare and make complete fools out of ourselves just to get a peek!

And let me tell you, those push-up, pull-up, cleavage-enhancing bras you all are wearing these days don’t help. Not only is there now yet another layer of clothing, but it’s making them look younger, firmer, and even more appetizing! That’s Victoria’s real secret! Hide it, but let them know you have it, and they’ll want it even more!

You want guys to stop caring about your boobs? Show them to us. Don’t be shy. The more we see them, the less interested we’ll be. I promise. Just look at the African tribes where the women’s boobs are just out there for all to see. No one pays them any mind at all.

And women, stop worrying about the size. For the most part, guys don’t actually care how big or small they are as long as they are there and we can see, feel, touch, or taste them! Be proud of what you have! We would, if we had them!

Still single,