The Choice

I’ve been contemplating this question for awhile… Do I choose to be single?

I have had a few relationships in my life, nothing truly significant. I have looked to the relationships around me and seen disaster after disaster–I mean, my parents were never even married. I have tried to imagine the person I could share my life with, but without any success.

So I have to wonder; Do I choose to be single, or is it lack of options?

I prefer to think that being single is my choice, because it means I’m in control. I am making a choice for my life. I choose to stay single, saying that I’m not in any condition to share my life, that I’m too selfish to share my life with someone, that no one would want to marry an insufferable gal like me…the list goes on. The bottom line is, I say it’s my choice.

But now I’m beginning to wonder. As I see some of my friends’ relationships mature, and watch them having children and making lives together, I start to want all of that too. Maybe the reality is that I’m single because I’m afraid to put out the effort, or because I don’t try to meet new people. Maybe I’m single because of a lack of opportunity.

Whether by choice or not, I’m still single and increasingly unhappy about it.

Sabina, get out of my head!

I know, weird title, but really, Sabina, would you please stop using my arguments for being single! I mean, come on, I have always been the one that says, “Well, I don’t know where I’ll be in…”, and “I would, but I really like the flexibility of…” I’m the one that pays too much in rent because of the what ifs. What if I buy something and then actually do meet someone and they don’t like the house? Or what if I buy a house and then lose my job and I find another job, somewhere else, and I can’t take it because I have the house I bought?

This is my head! These are my excuses! Stop it!

As for the commitment thing, I’m not afraid of commitment. Never have been, never will be, and I don’t think you are either. What I’m afraid of is committing to the wrong thing. I’m not looking for just anyone, like most people seem to be. I’m looking for “The One”. I’m not going to settle. Period. I like who I am far too much to just settle for the next girl that looks my way. I want someone just as unstable and perfectly fucked-up as I am.

Is that too much to ask for? Probably. But it’s not going to stop me from trying. And I think that’s what you’re doing. Like me, your happiness is far too important to just throw away on any ol’ guy. You’re not going to settle until you find “The One” either. Unfortunately for us, that means there are probably 5,999,999,999 “Not The Ones” out there just looking to screw things up. We’ll just have to wade through the muck and hope we don’t meet any land-mines on the way.

So, in short, keep your head up and keep looking! They’re out there somewhere. I’m sure of it. (At least there better be, or what the hell are we bothering ourselves over!)

And enjoy the benefits as much as possible. Sure, it’s like playing with dynamite, and you might get a little damaged when things do blow up, but what’s life without a little risk?

Okay, now get out of my head!

Still single,


P.S. I still think friendship and sex can lead to a lasting relationship. I just don’t think it can lead to what we’re looking for. I think what we need is best-friendship and sex. We need a life-long partner in crime that likes to have sex with us to! In fact, I think I’ll refer to this (as of yet imaginary) person as my BFFF (Best Fuck-Friend Forever). S.

Does that make me the guy, then?

All of us like guys who’ll go with us (and actually enjoy) a sappy movie once in a while! I’ll even go out on a limb and say that while the manly man is physically attractive, the conversation gets boring really fast, so the sensitive guy is actually relationship material.  As long as you’re not more sensitive than we are…

But enough about Scott. Let’s talk about the female perspective. Does the fact that I hate happy endings and sappy love stories make me less of a girl? Do guys really look for the girly girl who wants true love and kids and a picket fence? Do you really feel the manly urge to help me if I stand by a car with a flat tire looking helpless? (OK, confession:  I only know how to change a tire in theory… In practice, I had to call AAA because the screw thingies were too tight.) Where does that leave the free-spirited, independent woman who does not need a man to change the light bulb or fix the sink?

I’ve always stayed clear of girly girl attitudes when I can help it (I can’t help loving shoes, it’s genetic). Lately, I’ve actually caught myself being the guy in relationships… Sex is sometimes just sex, I’m not falling for a guy suddenly just because we’ve been intimate, and I don’t get why they do… I’d rather they didn’t stay over; I have things to do… Why did you say you loved me, that wasn’t the deal?… Wait, whoa, we’re dating, when did this become a relationship?… And yes, I’m aware that any woman reading this hates me at the moment and wonders where all those men are… I don’t know! You can have them; they’re too complicated to fit into my life.  Am I the guy in those situations? Yeah, but only because we still assign gender roles.  Am I a douche-bag? Sometimes. I try not to be, but the think before you act (speak) mantra can’t seem to take hold.

The only explanation I can come up with is that somehow, people looking for relationships gravitate towards those of us who have serious commitment issues. Let’s forget about gender roles on this one. I propose a middle-ground of sorts: Don’t ever mention forever, don’t talk about the future… who knows, I might be in it for the long-haul as long as I’m not aware of it.

And yeah, on some fronts, I’m the guy… But I still prefer love stories to action films like, say, Transformers (sorry Scott).