Slowly, I return…

Oh, dear reader, it’s been too long! How are you? I’ve missed you terribly! I hope everything is well with you.

Well, I have completely moved back into my apartment (except for 2 more paintings to put up, that’s tomorrow). It’s beautiful!!! I will send pictures soon, I promise!

I also have the boys back! And let me tell you, they are soooooo cute! (I just don’t remember this much hair!!! Damn!)

So, I actually did it! I formed a book club with a couple of girls from the bar! Our first book is Memoirs of a Geisha! And today we’re all bringing in our baby pictures (they don’t believe I was at my sexual peak as a 1st grader!). Woo Hoo!

Nothing on the dating front. Who has time for the drama of dating with work and moving and reading and watching tv?

Well, I have to go. Subway, the sun, some good jazz, and Memoirs are calling my name!

Still single and okay with it,

Scott

P.S. What the hell have you been up to, dear reader? Anything good? I’d love to hear about it!!! S.

Angsty Single Lesbian Seeks Solitude

I have been unusually quiet in posting lately, and I do have an excuse; I have been very busy being a Northwest cliche. I have been creating an Organic Garden with a very hetero male friend of mine. We spend our time tilling and amending soil, measuring out plots, and of course sowing lots and lots of seeds. And I must say, “dirt therapy” is far more satisfying than any relationship I’ve been in! There’s nothing better than going out into the garden, beating up on the very forgiving soil, and watching something beautiful grow from it. I often think that it would be impossible to find a partner who could truly understand the satisfaction that comes with home farming.

On a side-and-not-completely-unrelated note, I encountered someone yesterday from my past. Someone who I once lusted after with great vigor. This woman was and remains an enigma to me. I met her through a group of friends, via introduction from Scott, as it so happens. She was described to us before she entered the small pizza parlor. A bi-sexual Latina with all the right curves. Tattooed and lovely. Looking around the table at a group of attractive people, I made the early assumption that she wouldn’t have any interest in me, so I put my nose back in the book I was reading. Was she gorgeous? Absolutely. Was she entertaining? Absolutely. And there I was, playing it cool with my nose in a book at a social function. Lo and behold if she didn’t interact with me! We went out dancing that first night, and I admit that I was taken with her. It didn’t go anywhere, and that’s okay with me. She’s married and has a baby now, so everything turned out the way it was supposed to.

The encounter has had me thinking for the last 24 hours about how I approach women. When I make an effort to meet someone, it usually goes awry. When I keep to myself, I apparently give off some kind of cool vibe that makes me interesting and approachable. So with that in mind, I’m looking at a Spring/Summer season full of functions and events that could bring any number of possibilities…as long as I bring my book and keep my cool!

The Waiting

Main Entry: ten·ta·tive
Pronunciation: \ˈten-tə-tiv\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Medieval Latin tentativus, from Latin tentatus, past participle of tentare, temptare to feel, try
Date: 1626
1 : not fully worked out or developed
2 : hesitant, uncertain
— tentative noun
— ten·ta·tive·ly adverb
— ten·ta·tive·ness noun
(from www.merriam-webster.com)

My apartment flooded on December 12, 2009.
At first, a “possible” move-back date, March 19, 2010.
Then came the “shooting-for” date of March 31, 2010.
It is now April 2, 2010, the first “tentative” move-back date. The wind is blowing, the rain is sheeting, and I am writing from… my hotel room.

The girls at the front desk laugh every time I hand them my card key to have it updated to the new check-out date. “You’re never leaving!” they like to tease. It’s become routine. The cute little 19 year-old Abby doesn’t even bat an eye when I walk up, card already extended, and exclaim “Flash me!” They know me.

Don’t get me wrong, I highly recommend the Hilton Homewood Suites in Vancouver, WA. It’s a nice place, with lovely, friendly, and often funny, service. They offer hot breakfast every morning and a hot dinner, with free beer and wine, four nights a week. I have a kitchenette, a sitting room, two flatscreen TVs, and a king-sized bed. It’s a great place and I’ve made some new friends.

But it’s not home.

I know I haven’t posted much since the flood, and what I have posted has been, well, let’s just say less then productive. I apologize. There’s just something sleazy about asking a girl back to your hotel room! And it certainly doesn’t imply a desire for anything long-term.

But all of that’s about to change! From the looks of things, I should be able to move in either tomorrow or Monday! I will have a brand new home to show off and a desire to do “stuff”. I’m making a change!

Does this mean I’m gonna get out there and start hitting the bars, trolling for dates, and talking-up strange women? (Have you actually read any of these posts?) Hell no! When it comes to conventional dating, I’m a huge skeptic. (Not to mention I suck at it.) No, I’ve decided that I’m never going to find what I’m looking for (not that I actually know what that is) by relying on my dating skills and actually attempting to pick-up women. Instead, I’m going to start doing things I like to do and see what happens.

What am I talking about? Well, things like a book club. I’m trying to start up a book club with a couple of the hottest bartenders this side of Mars. I’m also thinking about taking a creative writing class at the local community college. Maybe a ballroom dancing class, or perhaps something in a foreign language. (Hola! Sabina!)

So, expect a whole new level of posts coming soon! Less bitching and more action!

Still single, and waiting… and waiting… and waiting,

Scott

Incommunicado: The Art of Bad Relationships

Okay, let’s be honest. How many times have you said one thing to a partner but were thinking something else? Have you ever actually had the thought, or worse, said, “Could you just wait until the [game, show, decade] is over?” during a conversation? Have you ever been accused of not listening?

I know I have. The question is why? Why aren’t we honest, upfront, and real with the partners in our lives? Is it because we get bored? Do we actually lose interest? Are we all just a bunch of douche-bag-idiots determined to screw up our own lives?

Or is it something else?

Being single, I’ve had hours to ponder this question (nothing, and no one, to do will do that to you), and I think I may have discovered a reason, or at least a reasonable excuse, as to why we do this in matters of love. It’s the act of dating, or early courtship, that screws most of us up!

Why dating? Simple. All of us manipulate ourselves to better fit our perceived ideas of what the other wants in a partner. We hide, lie, or hold back the truth about the things we don’t like about ourselves. We push the things that unite us, and stuff those that don’t in a dark closet with the rest of our secret desires, our unfulfilled wants and needs, our unmentionables. We do it easily, and often, and we call it compromise. But, in reality, what it is false advertising. It’s the human equivalent of infomercials. Sure, it slices, it dices, it squirts mustard with the push of a button, but after a year and 4 uses, will you feel it was worth it? Did you really need something that only fulfilled part of your needs? Do you miss the things you stuffed in a drawer to forget?

This is what we do people! We start off not communicating! We don’t offer-up the real me because of the fear that the other person won’t like the real me. We hide our true selves just to have parts and pieces of us loved. Sometimes we do it to just fulfill a physical need. And we do it over, and over, and over again, because we know, we just know, that no one would want the real me.

You know you do it. We all do. Even the best of us are completely screwed up. And the reality is that this unfortunate flaw is built into the very core of our being. We will never change. We will always have difficulty communicating. But it doesn’t mean we have to do it blindly. It doesn’t mean we have to hide everything. It doesn’t mean we have to be afraid of being ourselves.

It means we have to be as much of our real selves as possible. It means we have to let others be as much or their real selves as possible. It means knowing yourself. It means being honest, telling the truth, and dealing with things when they do come up in as rational a manner as possible.

It means communicating.

Still single and unable to talk to girls,

Scott

New Year, New Plan

Scott has commented on his absent co-bloggers, so I thought I’d post a little note.

There have been no new developments in my life, which is why I’ve been away. I have been focusing on investing in my friendships–after all, it’s friends who stick with you when the romantic relationships go sour. I haven’t been meeting new people, and I suppose that’s on purpose. I’m waiting until I feel a little more…marketable?…before I put myself back out there. I have a theory that you can’t be involved in a healthy relationship until you’re in a healthy state of being. So this year will be my year to get healthy and stable. To get into a place where I’m ready to settle down with someone.

But don’t think that means I’ll be staying home alone! I’m most excited about a friend’s Birthday party that will involve a whole new group of lesbians I’ve never met. Look out girls, here I come!

Changing My Gameplan

2009 was a year of disappointments, weird sexual encounters, and wonderful new friendships. I’m going to focus on the friendship angle. I’m going to look for a friend, a confidant, a companion of the opposite sex. No more desperate dating on desperate websites. No more late night Craigslist adds of questionable intent. No more basing my dating choices strictly on looks. No more searching for meaningless sex. I’m done with all that. Besides, I can’t really have meaningless sex anyway. It always means something, even if it just means I feel guilty later…

So, 2010, you’re here, I’m here… what do you say we get it o… I mean, let’s talk!

Still single and now looking at what’s on the inside,

Scott

Tú y Tus Tattoos

OK. Before I get into it, the title is actually the title to a Mexican rock song, and it roughly translates to You and your Tattoos. And yeah, this post is about tattoos.

I recently read an article about tattoos in the workplace. Basically, it talked about how some cities and some workplaces are more open to body art than others. No news here, right? But it got me thinking about ink and dating.

I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise to anyone who’s read other posts of mine that long hair and tattoos on guys are more than a little attractive to me, but I hadn’t really thought about what happens on the other side.

So here’s the tattoo data: I have three of them, and no regrets. I’ll probably get more in the future, but I’m not sure when, since each of my tattoos represents a landmark in my life, and I plan to keep that pattern going. I also love the artwork. The designs are pretty, colorful, and look good on me (at least that’s what I think).

Going with the workplace thing, no one finds it strange that offices like law firms, and accounting firms seriously frown on visible body art, while others, like non profits and design firms, don’t mind as much. I’m sort of in the middle in that area myself, since I work for the government, but in the culture area. I usually cover up my own tats, which isn’t too hard. When I don’t, I find that people my age don’t even notice, but I get stares from bureaucrats who don’t dare mention it (the fact that they’re staring at my midsection doesn’t help their case. It’s uncomfortable, but that’s it, no ne has evr asked me to cover them up.

Now on to the dating scene. I’ve sort of been thinking that guys are like offices when it comes to tattoos. I don’t think anyone has a problem with a tiny tattoo on a girl, but I’ve found that some guys, particularly the corporate type, don’t expect women to have tattoos larger than an inch in diameter. Especially when there are several. I’ve also figured out that they have less of a problem with it if they can be covered up in public (like stuffy offices), which means no sexy summer dresses in my case.

Now, the thing is, I think this is an advantage of my tattoos. I’ve been burned in the past by men pretending to be really cool with the way I live my life, and then spending the whole relationship trying to turn me into someone more conventional. Somehow, the tattoos scare provoke a reaction they can’t hide. And truthfully, I don’t want to waste my time on guys who don’t accept me for who I am, colorful skin and all. I don’t even want to waste my time with guys that love the tattoos in private, but prefer to cover up my shoulders with their jacket during dinner (really, do you think I don’t notice?). I don’t have the time or energy to be someone’s walk on the wild side, or pretend to be a dutiful, vanilla girlfriend so their friends won’t freak out (it’s hard enough covering up for the family, and for academic events).

So basically, I know (and I’ve dealt with) three kinds of reactions from men: the guys that love my ink, and are usually decorated themselves, the men who visibly hate it, and the men who secretly love it, but are too conventional to deal with it in public. And I’m left wondering, is there no middle ground? Are there no men around who don’t look like rockers and are okay with the ink, in private and public? Or is this just the conservative society I live in nowadays (and I’m sick of it, believe me)?

How do you guys feel about women with tattoos?