Children

I love children. They are such beautiful, tiny pieces of human innocence. They are precious and darling, and they are able to turn the largest, gruffest man into a marshmallow. Children are amazing and I dream of having some of my own.

Unfortunately, as a single lesbian, children are not traditionally seen as a part of my future. Of course there are many who say that there’s nothing wrong with a single woman adopting and raising children on her own–it’s certainly been done before! But I came from a single parent household and I know how incredibly hard it is to raise a kid with just one income, and just one parent.

I think this may be the driving force behind my interest in dating. It’s not so much that I’m lonely and wishfully imagining romantic getaways…it’s that I ache for a family! Maybe not a white-picket-fence-2.5-children-and-a-dog kind of family, but a family of my own choosing.

Am I alone here? Or are we all ultimately driven by the desire for family?

Pre-Holiday Advice Response

Sabina,

I do believe “Eric” is actually Latin for “Lazy Blogger”, so give me a friggin’ break!!! HE HE HE

No, I don’t actually have those problems. My family decided I was lame a long time ago and just don’t expect anything out of me.

I do actually have the problem of hating being alone for the holidays though. Not that I’m not happy with being single. I really am way too good at being single.

No. What I have a problem with is the holiday kissing traditions! You know, the mistletoe and the New-Years-Eve-spit-swap. I have never actually had the opportunity to take part in any of those traditions! (at least I don’t remember any, which tells you how lame my dating life has been, since I know I’ve had at least one girlfriend during the holidays)

As for advice for you…

I say buck up and deal with it this year. No drinking. No drugging. Just take it and say thank you! Because, the simple fact is that the only people that are bothering with the questions obviously don’t know you or your life. So they don’t f-ing matter! Besides, it will make the flight to London that much sweeter, knowing that you have thousands of miles of ocean between you and the questions!

And heck, if you don’t like that idea, well… I’ll give you my phone number. They can call and talk to me. I’ll be your American lover that met you on an impetuous trip to Mexico City! The distance and family obligations here kept me from making it down there during the holidays.

You can tell them I’m planning on meeting you in London, as I too will be going to University in England. It’s a small Welsh school of animal husbandry (I’m hoping to breed Peruvian Inca Orchids for use as sled-dogs) that you have forgotten the name of. Tell them I am very good with children, but very unsure about my ability to father any thanks to a unicycle accident as a child.

We can work on the backstory more later. I’m thinking Indiana Jones meets Bridget Jones Diary.

Still single and looking forward to breeding South American dogs in England!

Scott Eric Weaver

Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays

Are you a wild and crazy, single-and-happy-about-it, free-spirit that’s finding it hard to cope with the incessant questioning by “supportive” family members? Do you dread holiday get-togethers because people “in love” don’t understand you? Have you taken drastic measures in the past to avoid these people?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then the “Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays” is what you’ve been looking for!

What you’ll find in the “Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays”:

Combat Comebacks: The art of expertly picking apart your annoying relatives!
Pre-emptive Strike Guidance: How to get to them before they get to you!
Lying to Grandma: How to sugar-coat the bullshit!
Pre-gather Punch: 12 delicious recipes sure to have you slurring before the first question!
Homo-elusion: Real, homosexual-tested, gay statements to once and for all stop the questioning!
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Still single and anxiously awaiting delivery of my very own Pocket-Prod with Crippler attachment!

Scott

Pre-Holiday Advice Column Letter

So, guilt-ridden, I popped in today and realized I’m not the only one who’s let her blogging slide (hint, hint). Not that there aren’t reasons… I’ve been busy working hard at the job I hate and will soon quit.  The very same job that traps me in Kafka-esque situations, of late, such as having to take entrance exams, the ones that were waived when I started working, before I’m allowed to quit (it seems I have to pass, too, although I’m sure that if they don0t let me quit because of this, they’ll fire me when I stop showing up).

But on to the subject at hand…

Dear Scott, Chrissey,

I don’t know if other single people will concur, but I find the upcoming holiday season particularly difficult to deal with… Not, as some will think, because I feel lonely. I don’t. Really. I like my life. A partner would be a good thing, but it’s not something I feel I’m missing right now. I just have a very hard time dealing with all the family gatherings, especially when it comes to extended family. I love spending time with my close family, those who know me and know that I like my life, but there’s nothing more harrowing than one “happily” married mother of four after another asking when I plan to get married, whether I’ve realized that I’m not getting any younger,, and why that delightful (abusive, but they don’t know that) boyfriend of a while back and I didn’t get married. This year, I’ve actually considered buying my ticket to London for December 23rd (only my mother might feel hurt) and spending Christmas alone in a new city.

This situation, by the way, is by no means new… Last year, I went to the gathering, but I was high as a kite for the duration. The year before, I feigned a cold, and the year before that, I planned a trip so that I could be at the gathering of my mother’s side (Dec. 24), but not my father’s (Dec. 25). My father is beginning to suspect I have problems with his side of the family (duh).

How do you guys deal with family? Do you even have to deal with family in relation to these issues?

Sincerely, Tired of the Questions

The Choice

I’ve been contemplating this question for awhile… Do I choose to be single?

I have had a few relationships in my life, nothing truly significant. I have looked to the relationships around me and seen disaster after disaster–I mean, my parents were never even married. I have tried to imagine the person I could share my life with, but without any success.

So I have to wonder; Do I choose to be single, or is it lack of options?

I prefer to think that being single is my choice, because it means I’m in control. I am making a choice for my life. I choose to stay single, saying that I’m not in any condition to share my life, that I’m too selfish to share my life with someone, that no one would want to marry an insufferable gal like me…the list goes on. The bottom line is, I say it’s my choice.

But now I’m beginning to wonder. As I see some of my friends’ relationships mature, and watch them having children and making lives together, I start to want all of that too. Maybe the reality is that I’m single because I’m afraid to put out the effort, or because I don’t try to meet new people. Maybe I’m single because of a lack of opportunity.

Whether by choice or not, I’m still single and increasingly unhappy about it.

Dater Interference

We’ve all been there, a friend or family member thinks you really should meet such-n-such! You guys would be great together! Or they nag you about being single. Or worse yet, they pick on the person you are dating because they don’t like them!

Well, I say it’s your life, do what you want. And remember that they probably just want what they think is best for you, even if they’re way off base and becoming annoying!

So, what would I do if someone wants to set me up? First, I take a good look at who is making the suggestion and why and what choices they’ve made. If I’m OK with the suggester, I’ll probably just go out on the date. However, if I’m at all skeptical, I usually try and include the suggester in the first meeting, or if that doesn’t work out, have friends with me. There’s safety and comfort in numbers and if it really does work out, you can tell the tag-a-longs to take a hike!

As for naggers, I tell them to get their own life cause I’m living mine!

And the bitchers, well, that’s a tougher one. I’ve never had to deal with it in my love life (what love life) but I have sort-of been the bitch before. I just suggest you tell the bitch to mind their own business. And if you do find yourself the bitch, try and remember that bitching is not a form of support.

Sabina,
Your brother issues are really, really hard ones. I don’t usually suggest dating friends of friends or family unless you’ve really got to know them first. It’s hard enough dealing with a total strangers feelings and needs without having to worry about upsetting someone you actually care about! So, my advice is tell the guy straight up that your brother’s going to broadside him. And I would definitely tell your brother to mind his own business.

Although, I have to say I’m really kind of surprised your brothers friends even consider dating you. That’s like Man Rule #1, don’t date my sisters without permission. Followed closely by, Man Rule #2, I know how you treat women, don’t date anyone related to me.

Well, guess that’s enough dating advice from the Serially Single Guy.

Still single, and still not listening to my own advice,
Scott