How Not to Get Laid…

Don’t…

…be a fatty! To get laid as a fatty you’re going to need alcohol, the ability to make people laugh, and, quite possibly, cash.

…be a pussy! No confidence in your “game”? No getting laid!

…act needy! Sure, we all have a need to connect with people, but if you can’t give them space… you’re not getting laid!

…be nice! The one’s that are nice and looking for nice aren’t going to give it up without a lot of work. If that’s what you’re looking for, then stop looking to just get laid!!!

…have a hairy chest! The only one’s that like the hairy chests are the ones that used to cuddle with one, in the middle of winter, because there was no one else around, in the 1940’s!

…EVER get duped by “verification” responses to Craigslist ads! They aren’t real! And you won’t get laid… but you will get fucked!!!

…whine about not getting laid! Whiner’s don’t get anything but more annoying! Stop it!

…act like something you’re not! Not really a stud? Stop acting like it! Not really skinny? Stop acting like it! Not really a woman? Stop hitting on me!!! You’re not getting laid!

Still single, and not getting laid!!!

Scott

P.S. writing a blog about dating does not qualify as whining!

*note: the only thing on this list that applies to women is the “hairy” entry, and even that’s questionable!

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Sabina, get out of my head!

I know, weird title, but really, Sabina, would you please stop using my arguments for being single! I mean, come on, I have always been the one that says, “Well, I don’t know where I’ll be in…”, and “I would, but I really like the flexibility of…” I’m the one that pays too much in rent because of the what ifs. What if I buy something and then actually do meet someone and they don’t like the house? Or what if I buy a house and then lose my job and I find another job, somewhere else, and I can’t take it because I have the house I bought?

This is my head! These are my excuses! Stop it!

As for the commitment thing, I’m not afraid of commitment. Never have been, never will be, and I don’t think you are either. What I’m afraid of is committing to the wrong thing. I’m not looking for just anyone, like most people seem to be. I’m looking for “The One”. I’m not going to settle. Period. I like who I am far too much to just settle for the next girl that looks my way. I want someone just as unstable and perfectly fucked-up as I am.

Is that too much to ask for? Probably. But it’s not going to stop me from trying. And I think that’s what you’re doing. Like me, your happiness is far too important to just throw away on any ol’ guy. You’re not going to settle until you find “The One” either. Unfortunately for us, that means there are probably 5,999,999,999 “Not The Ones” out there just looking to screw things up. We’ll just have to wade through the muck and hope we don’t meet any land-mines on the way.

So, in short, keep your head up and keep looking! They’re out there somewhere. I’m sure of it. (At least there better be, or what the hell are we bothering ourselves over!)

And enjoy the benefits as much as possible. Sure, it’s like playing with dynamite, and you might get a little damaged when things do blow up, but what’s life without a little risk?

Okay, now get out of my head!

Still single,

Scott

P.S. I still think friendship and sex can lead to a lasting relationship. I just don’t think it can lead to what we’re looking for. I think what we need is best-friendship and sex. We need a life-long partner in crime that likes to have sex with us to! In fact, I think I’ll refer to this (as of yet imaginary) person as my BFFF (Best Fuck-Friend Forever). S.