Sunny-Side Up

As I posted earlier, I’m planning on doing this World Naked Bike Ride. Well, it dawned on me yesterday (while at the bar preaching on the virtues of riding a bicycle naked) that I was lacking color on much of that that would be on display during the ride. In other words, the only thing distinguishing my torso from a snow field was chest hair!

Well, me being the brilliant man that I am, I thought I would take advantage of the 85 degree weather to get some color! Good idea, right? Yeah, I thought so to!

So, I lathered on the sunscreen, grabbed my kindle, and headed to the pool! It was glorious! Sunny with a cool breeze and a great book (Lamb, the Gospel of Biff, by Christiphor Moore)! I was gonna read, get some sun, expand my sexual appeal, and relax!

And I did! In fact, the book was soooo good I just kept reading… for two hours… until I had finished!

Girls like pink, right?

The Sunburn

This is what HOT looks like!

Still single… pink for sure… but still single!

Scott

P.S. Did you know that sunscreen has an expiration date? Yeah, me either!

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The Waiting

Main Entry: ten·ta·tive
Pronunciation: \ˈten-tə-tiv\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Medieval Latin tentativus, from Latin tentatus, past participle of tentare, temptare to feel, try
Date: 1626
1 : not fully worked out or developed
2 : hesitant, uncertain
— tentative noun
— ten·ta·tive·ly adverb
— ten·ta·tive·ness noun
(from www.merriam-webster.com)

My apartment flooded on December 12, 2009.
At first, a “possible” move-back date, March 19, 2010.
Then came the “shooting-for” date of March 31, 2010.
It is now April 2, 2010, the first “tentative” move-back date. The wind is blowing, the rain is sheeting, and I am writing from… my hotel room.

The girls at the front desk laugh every time I hand them my card key to have it updated to the new check-out date. “You’re never leaving!” they like to tease. It’s become routine. The cute little 19 year-old Abby doesn’t even bat an eye when I walk up, card already extended, and exclaim “Flash me!” They know me.

Don’t get me wrong, I highly recommend the Hilton Homewood Suites in Vancouver, WA. It’s a nice place, with lovely, friendly, and often funny, service. They offer hot breakfast every morning and a hot dinner, with free beer and wine, four nights a week. I have a kitchenette, a sitting room, two flatscreen TVs, and a king-sized bed. It’s a great place and I’ve made some new friends.

But it’s not home.

I know I haven’t posted much since the flood, and what I have posted has been, well, let’s just say less then productive. I apologize. There’s just something sleazy about asking a girl back to your hotel room! And it certainly doesn’t imply a desire for anything long-term.

But all of that’s about to change! From the looks of things, I should be able to move in either tomorrow or Monday! I will have a brand new home to show off and a desire to do “stuff”. I’m making a change!

Does this mean I’m gonna get out there and start hitting the bars, trolling for dates, and talking-up strange women? (Have you actually read any of these posts?) Hell no! When it comes to conventional dating, I’m a huge skeptic. (Not to mention I suck at it.) No, I’ve decided that I’m never going to find what I’m looking for (not that I actually know what that is) by relying on my dating skills and actually attempting to pick-up women. Instead, I’m going to start doing things I like to do and see what happens.

What am I talking about? Well, things like a book club. I’m trying to start up a book club with a couple of the hottest bartenders this side of Mars. I’m also thinking about taking a creative writing class at the local community college. Maybe a ballroom dancing class, or perhaps something in a foreign language. (Hola! Sabina!)

So, expect a whole new level of posts coming soon! Less bitching and more action!

Still single, and waiting… and waiting… and waiting,

Scott

A Big Heart Gets No Love

I think there’s something sincerely wrong with me.

I’m nice. Too nice.

And I care too much.

And it freaks girls out.

That’s right. It freaks the ladies out. So instead of doing what I want to do, which is help, I keep my help to myself. And it eats at me and eats at me.

Why do I worry about people I don’t even really know?

I don’t worry about myself? So why did I drive around tonight looking for a worry stone for someone I barely know? For a worry that she wouldn’t even tell me the cause of? For help that I won’t end up giving because I don’t want to freak her out?

Why do I worry about my friends? Will she get pregnant? Will she find happiness with the new guy? Has he finally found the one?

What the hell’s wrong with me? And how do I change it?

And don’t you dare tell me that women really want a guy like me. That’s bullshit! And you know it!

Still single, and steadily drinking myself into a Friday-night-oblivion,

Scott

Stop Looking!

Got some advice from a good, and very jaded, friend tonight on how to get women (she’s a woman) that was essentially “stop looking”. This isn’t bad advice… for people that aren’t me!

OK. So, here’s the deal. I have spent most of my life “not” looking for a mate. Really, I have. I figured that I would just meet her, randomly, like in a movie. It didn’t work (or, at least, hasn’t so far).

I always thought it was because I couldn’t tell when women were interested. Because I didn’t walk up and randomly hit on women. And most importantly because I didn’t go to college (and therefore never learned the art of picking up chicks).

As it turns out, I was almost right.

Sure, all of those things have a bearing on whether or not I meet “the one” (or even “you’ll do”). But even taken together, the likelihood of not meeting someone is really unlikely! I mean, random things happen every day, right! Given my interactions with women, I was bound to screw up eventually and actually meet someone!

Nope!

And I’ve come to a realization over the years as to why that is. It’s my personality! I have a pretty good one. I’m nice and non-threatening. I care and I listen. Sure, I make a fair number of rude and/or off-color remarks (I am a “perpetual line stepper” according to my friend Travis), but it’s all in fun. People like me.

Do you see the problem yet? No? Well, put it all together…

I am:
girl’s-interested challenged
pick-up-on-chicks challenged
collegiately-dating challenged
nice
non-threatening
funny
a listener
I care

“What’s that spell!!!” (sorry, cheerleader fantasy come true)

I’ll tell you what that spells! One of two things. I’m either:
A: Gay
B: Married

I am, and have never been, either of those!

So what do I do? If I go out looking for the girl, I don’t seem to find her. If I don’t look for the girl, she doesn’t find me!

Damnit! Why is life so difficult!!!

Still single and having a hard time choosing between the assless chaps or a wedding ring,

Scott

Defining Boys, Girls, Men, Women, and Companions

I realize that I have been using some terms in my blogs that have assumed meanings to most that I don’t completely agree with. So, to help my own understanding, and that of my audience, I have decided to define them. These are intended as generalizations, and are not to be applied, as-is, specifically to one person or another.

Emotional Life Stages:

I think the majority of both males and females go through a variety of generalized emotional life stages during their lives. With most it happens over time or through a major life event. While others, never change. Each person is different and so are their stages, but in general, I think both males and females go through distinct emotional life stages.

Female Stages:

Girl — I’m not going to define girls. We all know what they are. All females have all been, and, in part at least, will always be them. (If you feel the need to define them, feel free to do so in comments and I may update this post.)

Woman — A woman is a girl that has come to grips with the fact that she won’t always have her looks, that is done being treated like shit by their partners, and wants to have and share their own (not just their partners) experiences. A woman is self-guided, self-aware, and is generally content with herself.

Male Stages:

Boy — I’m not going to define boys. We all know what they are. All males have all been, and, in part at least, will always be them. (If you feel the need to define them, feel free to do so in comments and I may update this post.)

Man — It’s a boy that has sexual desire and can spread his seed. That’s all. There’s no implied emotional growth. They’re just boys that want sex and can impregnate girls.

Companion — It’s a man that can no longer, or may not actually want to,  attract girls (or boys, if that’s his choice). It’s a man where his sexual desire is no longer a leading factor in life. It’s a man that wants to share and broaden his experiences with a partner. It’s a man that finally seeks what girls have always sought, companionship.

The Transitions:

From Girl to Woman — The Female Transition

Speaking in general terms, girls don’t completely become women until they reach the age of 60, as a single parent have children after the age of 25, suffer a terrible illness, or have been married for more then 5 years. Because of the ever-changing nature of the female body, this is not directly tied to puberty or menopause.

From Boy to Man to Companion — The Male Transition

Unlike females, the male transition from boy to man is mostly the physical and hormonal change of puberty. The transition to companion doesn’t usually happen until they reach the age of 65, get divorced, or have grand children.