Stop Looking!

Got some advice from a good, and very jaded, friend tonight on how to get women (she’s a woman) that was essentially “stop looking”. This isn’t bad advice… for people that aren’t me!

OK. So, here’s the deal. I have spent most of my life “not” looking for a mate. Really, I have. I figured that I would just meet her, randomly, like in a movie. It didn’t work (or, at least, hasn’t so far).

I always thought it was because I couldn’t tell when women were interested. Because I didn’t walk up and randomly hit on women. And most importantly because I didn’t go to college (and therefore never learned the art of picking up chicks).

As it turns out, I was almost right.

Sure, all of those things have a bearing on whether or not I meet “the one” (or even “you’ll do”). But even taken together, the likelihood of not meeting someone is really unlikely! I mean, random things happen every day, right! Given my interactions with women, I was bound to screw up eventually and actually meet someone!

Nope!

And I’ve come to a realization over the years as to why that is. It’s my personality! I have a pretty good one. I’m nice and non-threatening. I care and I listen. Sure, I make a fair number of rude and/or off-color remarks (I am a “perpetual line stepper” according to my friend Travis), but it’s all in fun. People like me.

Do you see the problem yet? No? Well, put it all together…

I am:
girl’s-interested challenged
pick-up-on-chicks challenged
collegiately-dating challenged
nice
non-threatening
funny
a listener
I care

“What’s that spell!!!” (sorry, cheerleader fantasy come true)

I’ll tell you what that spells! One of two things. I’m either:
A: Gay
B: Married

I am, and have never been, either of those!

So what do I do? If I go out looking for the girl, I don’t seem to find her. If I don’t look for the girl, she doesn’t find me!

Damnit! Why is life so difficult!!!

Still single and having a hard time choosing between the assless chaps or a wedding ring,

Scott

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The Birthday Dilemma

So, tomorrow is my 32nd birthday. 32 years old. No kids. No wife. No girlfriend. Not even a real prospect. Not even a messy divorce to blame it all on. Just me. I’m not the hit-on kinda guy, and everyone know’s it’s the hit-on kinda guy that gets the girl (apparently it’s something about actually talking to them, or so I hear).

So here’s the dilemma, what do I do? I want most of those things (not in that order, obviously) but don’t know how to go about it. I’ve been doing the dating thing and that doesn’t seem to be working out (either they don’t respond or they do respond and I wish they hadn’t). I don’t get hit-on myself. I don’t have a friend pool to really pull from (not to say there aren’t women in the circles I run in that I wouldn’t date, it’s just that their friends, and they’re everyone’s friends, so if it goes bad…). No one sets me up with other people (apparently I am unique — weird — enough that NO one — and I mean NO one — knows anyone that might be right for me). And they’re not coming to my front door.

So what do I do?

God, I don’t even have an ex to hook up with. I’ve already run through that very short list!

Well, I guess I could just run over a girl on my new bike…

Novara Aspen, my new bike.

Novara Aspen, my new bike.

Do you think CPR counts as a first kiss?

Still single and pedaling towards love,

Scott