Pre-Holiday Advice Response

Sabina,

I do believe “Eric” is actually Latin for “Lazy Blogger”, so give me a friggin’ break!!! HE HE HE

No, I don’t actually have those problems. My family decided I was lame a long time ago and just don’t expect anything out of me.

I do actually have the problem of hating being alone for the holidays though. Not that I’m not happy with being single. I really am way too good at being single.

No. What I have a problem with is the holiday kissing traditions! You know, the mistletoe and the New-Years-Eve-spit-swap. I have never actually had the opportunity to take part in any of those traditions! (at least I don’t remember any, which tells you how lame my dating life has been, since I know I’ve had at least one girlfriend during the holidays)

As for advice for you…

I say buck up and deal with it this year. No drinking. No drugging. Just take it and say thank you! Because, the simple fact is that the only people that are bothering with the questions obviously don’t know you or your life. So they don’t f-ing matter! Besides, it will make the flight to London that much sweeter, knowing that you have thousands of miles of ocean between you and the questions!

And heck, if you don’t like that idea, well… I’ll give you my phone number. They can call and talk to me. I’ll be your American lover that met you on an impetuous trip to Mexico City! The distance and family obligations here kept me from making it down there during the holidays.

You can tell them I’m planning on meeting you in London, as I too will be going to University in England. It’s a small Welsh school of animal husbandry (I’m hoping to breed Peruvian Inca Orchids for use as sled-dogs) that you have forgotten the name of. Tell them I am very good with children, but very unsure about my ability to father any thanks to a unicycle accident as a child.

We can work on the backstory more later. I’m thinking Indiana Jones meets Bridget Jones Diary.

Still single and looking forward to breeding South American dogs in England!

Scott Eric Weaver

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Turning Over A New Leaf

After much consideration and a fair-lot of beer, I have decided that it’s time for something new! I’m obviously in a rut and need a complete change of pace! So, in my common spirit of adventure, and with the gusto of a hundred fat men at an all-you-can-eat spaghetti feed, I have decided to grow long hair, adopt a British accent, move to London, and buy a crap-ass car!

The New Me

The New Me

Why? Cause that’s what women want! They want the longhaired dude with an accent that isn’t in to material things! It’s romantic and chic and because I make it look good!

But why London? Simple, I’ll hit on Sabina when she gets there! No woman could resist my charms!

Ooh! La! La!

Ooh! La! La!

Besides, if that doesn’t work out, I can by a truck and drive Sabina around!

Honk if you got a big blue bed and know how to use it!!!

Honk if you got a big blue bed and know how to use it!!!

Then, when somebody asks, “Do you drive lorry?”, I will say, “No. I drive Sabina!”

How cool would that be?

Yep, gonna do it! My dreams will come true!

Still Single and now out of beer,

Scott