How Not to Get Laid…

Don’t…

…be a fatty! To get laid as a fatty you’re going to need alcohol, the ability to make people laugh, and, quite possibly, cash.

…be a pussy! No confidence in your “game”? No getting laid!

…act needy! Sure, we all have a need to connect with people, but if you can’t give them space… you’re not getting laid!

…be nice! The one’s that are nice and looking for nice aren’t going to give it up without a lot of work. If that’s what you’re looking for, then stop looking to just get laid!!!

…have a hairy chest! The only one’s that like the hairy chests are the ones that used to cuddle with one, in the middle of winter, because there was no one else around, in the 1940’s!

…EVER get duped by “verification” responses to Craigslist ads! They aren’t real! And you won’t get laid… but you will get fucked!!!

…whine about not getting laid! Whiner’s don’t get anything but more annoying! Stop it!

…act like something you’re not! Not really a stud? Stop acting like it! Not really skinny? Stop acting like it! Not really a woman? Stop hitting on me!!! You’re not getting laid!

Still single, and not getting laid!!!

Scott

P.S. writing a blog about dating does not qualify as whining!

*note: the only thing on this list that applies to women is the “hairy” entry, and even that’s questionable!

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Great Date, Shitty Morning

Ok, first off, despite all that happened to me today, last night’s date was great!

I had a blast at the strip club last night. We laughed at the table, talked over a naked girl at the rack, and I got her number!!! Woo hoo!!!!!

And she loved my origami dollar bill rose (which she gave to our favorite stripper)!!!

Yes, I spent too much money, but it (she) was worth it.

Will there be more? I don’t know, to early to say. I sure hope so!

Now, to the shit!

I woke up this morning to the sound of a blaring alarm. In fact, my entire complex woke up to that alarm. We thought it was a fire alarm. It wasn’t, it was a fire-supression alarm. You see, the crackhead (literal, unknown to everyone in the building until the firefighters broke into the apartment and found 1 card table, 1 chair, 1 mattress, and about 1000 cigarette lighters and crack pipes) that lives uses the place above me (he doesn’t live there, just visits to smoke crack) didn’t have any heat on. Due to the lack of heat, one of the sprinkler-heads froze and burst, showering thousands of gallons of water down on my place. It took them an hour to shut off the water.

My place is ruined. The whole place is going to have to be gutted and redone.

BTW, you might want to wrap your electronics in plastic, water apparently has a magnetic attraction to electronics, because it managed to find all of mine. Yep, everything, 6 external hard drives, 5.1 speakers, 5 computers, 3 mice, 2 monitors, 2 portable dvd players, sound system, dvr, dvd player, wireless router, Nintendo Wii, and my 42 inch plasma TV.

Do I have renters insurance? Yes. Will it cover it all? I don’t know yet. Will I have to move out? While the repairs are going on, yes. Do I want to live there now? After it’s redone and brand new, yes! Does this suck giant donkey balls? Uh… that’s affirmative!

So, I have to apologize for not giving more information on the date. I know it deserves it, and I have more to tell, but for right now, this will have to do. Will I update you about it later? Probably not about this date, since I’m sans computer (I’m writing this from my dad’s new 27 inch iMac) for the foreseeable future, but anything new you will hear about.

Now, if only Sabina and Chrissey would live dramatic lives like mine (well, not just like mine, leave out the water bit) , maybe you all would actually have something to read!

Still single and now homeless, computerless, and generally stuffless,

Scott