Lesbians Are Complicated

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard a woman tell me “Men are assholes, I should just become a lesbian” I’d have…well, realistically I’d only have about a buck. But my response will always be the same–“Lesbian relationships are just as, if not more complicated!”

You want an example? Say you’re friends with someone. Say you and someone are staying overnight in a crowded house and you and that same someone share a bed. Voluntarily, mind you! Say that you and that someone spend some time laying in bed, cuddling up, and whispering secrets and talking about hopes for the future. Say you and that someone have a nice, comfortable evening together and all is dandy. What does it mean to you?

Chances are, if you’re two heteros of opposite sex, it means that you’re having some kind of connection and that you’re probably both thinking about getting it on. But if you’re gay? Well, then things are a bit more complicated, aren’t they? Because girls have a special role for each other, and that includes cuddling–even in the straightest of hetero friendships. Girls like to cuddle. Girls like to share secrets. Girls like to be close. So then how the hell does a lesbian know if she’s a friend of a girlfriend?!

Well there’s one easy way to tell–just wait until the next morning! Because a night of shared cuddling between two lesbians will ultimately result in someone needing to discuss what went on. And there will have to be a conversation about what it all means. And someone will have to say “we’re just friends, right?” and someone else will have to say “of course we’re just friends. I love you.” It can get very complicated for lesbians to be friends!

So, dear readers, let me make a blanket statement just to clear the air. I am not interested in bedding you. Even if I kiss you or make out with you for an hour, I’m not interested in having sex with you. If I want to screw you, you will know because I will tell you. Are we all clear on that now?

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Craigslist… You Haunt Me

Seriously, why do you exist, Craigslist?

Why do you taunt me with meaningless sex when you know it’s not what I really want?

Why do I continue to believe that maybe, just maybe, there’s a girl out there looking for love in the casual encounters section?

Why?

Damn you Craigslist!

Damn you to hell!

Still single, bored, and lonely,

Scott

Women Are Not Just Sex Objects!!!

I know this to be true! For my mother told me so!

However, having only had the chance to partake in the glory that is the “non-sexual” woman lately, I must say that I’m… getting tired of it.

I want to ogle naked boobies! I want to indulge in the sins that made me! I want a sex object! I have needs ya…

Hey! Look at that! The girl from The Big Bang Theory is on the cover of Maxim! And she’s not wearing very much!

Kaley Cuoco From Maxim Cover

Maxim Cover Shot of Kaley!!!

Hmmm…

Never mind. I’m good now.

Still single and a steadfast champion of women and their right to be more then just sex objects… for all but 15 minutes of every day!

Scott

How Not to Get Laid…

Don’t…

…be a fatty! To get laid as a fatty you’re going to need alcohol, the ability to make people laugh, and, quite possibly, cash.

…be a pussy! No confidence in your “game”? No getting laid!

…act needy! Sure, we all have a need to connect with people, but if you can’t give them space… you’re not getting laid!

…be nice! The one’s that are nice and looking for nice aren’t going to give it up without a lot of work. If that’s what you’re looking for, then stop looking to just get laid!!!

…have a hairy chest! The only one’s that like the hairy chests are the ones that used to cuddle with one, in the middle of winter, because there was no one else around, in the 1940’s!

…EVER get duped by “verification” responses to Craigslist ads! They aren’t real! And you won’t get laid… but you will get fucked!!!

…whine about not getting laid! Whiner’s don’t get anything but more annoying! Stop it!

…act like something you’re not! Not really a stud? Stop acting like it! Not really skinny? Stop acting like it! Not really a woman? Stop hitting on me!!! You’re not getting laid!

Still single, and not getting laid!!!

Scott

P.S. writing a blog about dating does not qualify as whining!

*note: the only thing on this list that applies to women is the “hairy” entry, and even that’s questionable!

What’s In A Kiss?

What is a kiss? Is it a lip-locking, tongue-thrusting, mouth-watering pressure-packed-punch of passion-producing-probing? Or is it soft, sweet, and sensual? Where do your hands go? Are your eyes open? Do you nibble?

I want to know! So, answer the damn polls!!!

Scott
(polls are also available on the Polls Page.)


















































What If… The Post

Hey!! It’s the new game where I come up with random scenarios (that in no way represent me or my life) and you respond with what you would do!!! Yay!!!

So tell all your friends!! (Really, I’m not kidding! Tell them!)

Here’s the first one!

THE POST

It’s a Friday night, you’re alone, and the wine you had earlier has gone to your head (you know you shouldn’t have opened that second bottle). When suddenly, in a fit of latent sexual need and no conscience, you post an ad in the “Casual Encounters” section of Craigslist…

Then next morning, after you’ve washed away the wine-drool from last night, cleaned up the two empty bottles of wine, scrubbed away the faint red circles all over your counters, and thrown away the Taco Bell wrappers of a meal you don’t remember ever getting, you decide you had better check your email. But when you wake your computer, you find your browser still open to Craigslist, and it says…

Thank you for posting “Screw it! Screw me!!!”

“That’s right! I said it! Screw me! Yeah, I may not be in the best of shape, and I may not be the hottest thing in town, but I’m willing and available all weekend!!! So respond with a picture and let’s get it on!!!

Sincerely,

Do Me!!!”

After a few choice expletives, you check your email, and there it is, a response…

“Re: Screw it! Screw me!!!

Are you for real? Because if you are… well, here’s a picture of me. What do you think?”

You scroll down to see the picture and… wow, they’re actually cute.

What do you do?

Still single and now making shit up!!!

Scott

Changing My Gameplan

2009 was a year of disappointments, weird sexual encounters, and wonderful new friendships. I’m going to focus on the friendship angle. I’m going to look for a friend, a confidant, a companion of the opposite sex. No more desperate dating on desperate websites. No more late night Craigslist adds of questionable intent. No more basing my dating choices strictly on looks. No more searching for meaningless sex. I’m done with all that. Besides, I can’t really have meaningless sex anyway. It always means something, even if it just means I feel guilty later…

So, 2010, you’re here, I’m here… what do you say we get it o… I mean, let’s talk!

Still single and now looking at what’s on the inside,

Scott