Sunny-Side Up

As I posted earlier, I’m planning on doing this World Naked Bike Ride. Well, it dawned on me yesterday (while at the bar preaching on the virtues of riding a bicycle naked) that I was lacking color on much of that that would be on display during the ride. In other words, the only thing distinguishing my torso from a snow field was chest hair!

Well, me being the brilliant man that I am, I thought I would take advantage of the 85 degree weather to get some color! Good idea, right? Yeah, I thought so to!

So, I lathered on the sunscreen, grabbed my kindle, and headed to the pool! It was glorious! Sunny with a cool breeze and a great book (Lamb, the Gospel of Biff, by Christiphor Moore)! I was gonna read, get some sun, expand my sexual appeal, and relax!

And I did! In fact, the book was soooo good I just kept reading… for two hours… until I had finished!

Girls like pink, right?

The Sunburn

This is what HOT looks like!

Still single… pink for sure… but still single!

Scott

P.S. Did you know that sunscreen has an expiration date? Yeah, me either!

I Love Myself

I Love Myself
written and read by Scott Weaver

Oh, I love, I love, I love myself!
Yes, indeed, I do!
I love, I love, I love myself!
And I think that you should to!

Now don’t be coy and subtle with me,
If you think I’m a handsome dude!
Just walk right up and tell me so,
And I’ll say, “How do you do!”

Oh, I love, I love, I love myself!
Yes, indeed, I do!
I love, I love, I love myself!
And I think you’re starting to, to!

Now don’t be all shy and ladylike,
Cause I can’t read that crap either!
If you want my love, you’ll have to prove
That you’re an eager beaver!

Oh, I love, I love, I love myself!
Yes, indeed, I do!
I love, I love, I love myself!
Don’t you love me to?

Now if you really want to be with me,
All you have to do is say, “Hi!
You’re really, really hot and sexy,
And I want you to be my guy!”

Oh, I love, I love, I love myself!
I really, really, do!
But I’m kind of tired of myself,
And I’d like to try-on you!

Now if we meet, and do hook up,
Don’t wait for me to make the move,
Because you see, I’m shy as can be,
And you’ll have to do that to!

Well, I love, I love, I love myself!
You know this to be true!
But for as much as I love myself,
I could really use a screw!

Holy Crap! That’s cool!!!

So, if you look to the right of this post, you will see a section that says “Serially Single Updates”.
click button to sign up for Serially Single notifications
You should totally do this! I know, cause I put it up there, but didn’t try it. Well, I tried it, and wow, it sent me the entire post through email!!! Soo cool and soo easy!!

See, look at what it sent me!!!

Scott


How Not to Get Laid…

Don’t…

…be a fatty! To get laid as a fatty you’re going to need alcohol, the ability to make people laugh, and, quite possibly, cash.

…be a pussy! No confidence in your “game”? No getting laid!

…act needy! Sure, we all have a need to connect with people, but if you can’t give them space… you’re not getting laid!

…be nice! The one’s that are nice and looking for nice aren’t going to give it up without a lot of work. If that’s what you’re looking for, then stop looking to just get laid!!!

…have a hairy chest! The only one’s that like the hairy chests are the ones that used to cuddle with one, in the middle of winter, because there was no one else around, in the 1940’s!

…EVER get duped by “verification” responses to Craigslist ads! They aren’t real! And you won’t get laid… but you will get fucked!!!

…whine about not getting laid! Whiner’s don’t get anything but more annoying! Stop it!

…act like something you’re not! Not really a stud? Stop acting like it! Not really skinny? Stop acting like it! Not really a woman? Stop hitting on me!!! You’re not getting laid!

Still single, and not getting laid!!!

Scott

P.S. writing a blog about dating does not qualify as whining!

*note: the only thing on this list that applies to women is the “hairy” entry, and even that’s questionable!

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The Birthday Dilemma

So, tomorrow is my 32nd birthday. 32 years old. No kids. No wife. No girlfriend. Not even a real prospect. Not even a messy divorce to blame it all on. Just me. I’m not the hit-on kinda guy, and everyone know’s it’s the hit-on kinda guy that gets the girl (apparently it’s something about actually talking to them, or so I hear).

So here’s the dilemma, what do I do? I want most of those things (not in that order, obviously) but don’t know how to go about it. I’ve been doing the dating thing and that doesn’t seem to be working out (either they don’t respond or they do respond and I wish they hadn’t). I don’t get hit-on myself. I don’t have a friend pool to really pull from (not to say there aren’t women in the circles I run in that I wouldn’t date, it’s just that their friends, and they’re everyone’s friends, so if it goes bad…). No one sets me up with other people (apparently I am unique — weird — enough that NO one — and I mean NO one — knows anyone that might be right for me). And they’re not coming to my front door.

So what do I do?

God, I don’t even have an ex to hook up with. I’ve already run through that very short list!

Well, I guess I could just run over a girl on my new bike…

Novara Aspen, my new bike.

Novara Aspen, my new bike.

Do you think CPR counts as a first kiss?

Still single and pedaling towards love,

Scott