Great Date, Shitty Morning

Ok, first off, despite all that happened to me today, last night’s date was great!

I had a blast at the strip club last night. We laughed at the table, talked over a naked girl at the rack, and I got her number!!! Woo hoo!!!!!

And she loved my origami dollar bill rose (which she gave to our favorite stripper)!!!

Yes, I spent too much money, but it (she) was worth it.

Will there be more? I don’t know, to early to say. I sure hope so!

Now, to the shit!

I woke up this morning to the sound of a blaring alarm. In fact, my entire complex woke up to that alarm. We thought it was a fire alarm. It wasn’t, it was a fire-supression alarm. You see, the crackhead (literal, unknown to everyone in the building until the firefighters broke into the apartment and found 1 card table, 1 chair, 1 mattress, and about 1000 cigarette lighters and crack pipes) that lives uses the place above me (he doesn’t live there, just visits to smoke crack) didn’t have any heat on. Due to the lack of heat, one of the sprinkler-heads froze and burst, showering thousands of gallons of water down on my place. It took them an hour to shut off the water.

My place is ruined. The whole place is going to have to be gutted and redone.

BTW, you might want to wrap your electronics in plastic, water apparently has a magnetic attraction to electronics, because it managed to find all of mine. Yep, everything, 6 external hard drives, 5.1 speakers, 5 computers, 3 mice, 2 monitors, 2 portable dvd players, sound system, dvr, dvd player, wireless router, Nintendo Wii, and my 42 inch plasma TV.

Do I have renters insurance? Yes. Will it cover it all? I don’t know yet. Will I have to move out? While the repairs are going on, yes. Do I want to live there now? After it’s redone and brand new, yes! Does this suck giant donkey balls? Uh… that’s affirmative!

So, I have to apologize for not giving more information on the date. I know it deserves it, and I have more to tell, but for right now, this will have to do. Will I update you about it later? Probably not about this date, since I’m sans computer (I’m writing this from my dad’s new 27 inch iMac) for the foreseeable future, but anything new you will hear about.

Now, if only Sabina and Chrissey would live dramatic lives like mine (well, not just like mine, leave out the water bit) , maybe you all would actually have something to read!

Still single and now homeless, computerless, and generally stuffless,

Scott

Advertisements

Date Night Jitters

It’s 1:20 pm on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, the apartment is clean, soft jazz is playing in the background while the cats lounge in front of the balcony door chattering at the birds eating at the feeder. There’s not a cloud in the late summer sky, the thermometer reads 81 degrees, and the forecast is for a high of 90.

It’s 1:20 pm, I haven’t showered yet, I’m smoking like a chimney, and watching the clock. I tried watching football, briefly worked on some writing I have to do, and have even done some last minute strengthening exercises. Nothing works. I still hear it, the “Click! Click! Click!” of the clock. No matter what I do, I hear it. “Click! Click! Click!”

This is a problem, you see, because my clock is digital, doesn’t display the seconds, and doesn’t actually make a sound. I hear it though, none the less. “Click! Click! Click!” in my head it goes.

“Click! Click! Click!”

I’m keeping time…

“Click! Click! Click!”

…going nuts…

“Click! Click! Click!”

…second after relentless second.

“Click! Click! Click!”

The plans are set. The place and time agreed upon. It’s actually going to happen…

“Click! Click! Click!”

…if I don’t go nuts first.

“Click! Click! Click!”

We’re meeting at 5:00 o’clock for drinks at the Island Cafe. It should be perfect. A floating, outdoor-patio bar with fancy tropical concoctions, fish and chips, and beer. The faint breeze off the harbor and the shade of the umbrella should keep the temperature pleasant while the sun sets in the West. We can watch the ducks in the harbor scrabble for each fry we toss them. We can watch as the power boats, yachts, and occasional kayaker go putting by. We can talk.

“Click! Click! Click!”

But it’s only 2:00 and I still haven’t decided what I’m wearing.

“Click! Click! Click!”

I’m leaning towards the clever and funny “Zombie Love” t-shirt and shorts.

“Click! Click! Click!”

But will she appreciate the zombie homage to our first conversation, or will she think me weird for wearing something with bloody zombie heads on it for our first date?

“Click! Click! Click!”

Maybe I should wear something black and slimming?

“Click! Click! Click!”

At least I got my hair cut last night and don’t have to worry about that.

“Click! Click! Click!”

But I still have to put product in my hair.

“Click! Click! Click!”

Spiky or flat?

“Click! Click! Click!”

Combed or stylishly mussed?

“Click! Click! Click!”

It’s still too early to shower.

“Click! Click! Click!”

I need a smoke…

“Click! Click! Click!”

Single and suffering… still,

Scott

“Click! Click! Ring!”

It’s 2:15 pm, my phone just rang, and clicking of the clock has stopped. It’s my date. An emergency with a friend. Babysitting. Sorry. We just have to laugh at this point. Monday or Tuesday after work? I promise it will happen. A text tomorrow to figure out the day. Sorry again.

The soft jazz is still playing. The cats are sleeping. In my head…

silence…

a little sad…

a little relieved…

a lot funny.

I wonder if Travis still has that tee-time reserved?