The Little Round Frog

This has nothing to do with dating or being single. It’s just a children’s poem that I wrote that I rather like! ~Scott

The Little Round Frog

The Little Round Frog

by Scott Weaver

Born in the mud,

From under a log,

On a backwater creek,

Come a funny little frog.

Now most frogs come out,

Two eyes and a tail,

With no arms or legs,

They look like a snail.

This frog, though,

Was just a squishy little ball,

With two eyes in the middle,

And no tail at all.

Now most frogs, they swim,

‘Til that tail falls off,

To reveal two little legs,

All ready to hop.

But our little frog,

Not able to swim,

Quickly lost sight of that log,

As the waves carried him.

Away and away,

Our little frog went,

Down that backwater creek,

Only going where it sent.

Until finally one day,

With a resounding “ker-plop”,

He was tossed on a rock

Where he came to a stop.

Now he might have died right there,

On top of that rock,

If Bob, the white dog,

Hadn’t seen that green spot.

Now, Bob, being curious,

As dogs tend to be,

Crept up to the rock,

To have a look-see.

What he saw was a spot,

With two little eyes,

Looking up at him,

With fear and surprise.

“What are you?”

Bob asked the little green spot,

“I think I’m a frog,

Stuck on a rock”.

“Well, hello little frog,

Stuck on a rock!

I’m Bob the white dog!”

He said to the spot.

“Where are your legs?

That let you hop, hop, hop, hop?”

“I haven’t got any legs.

I just roll and ker-plop!”

“Oh!” said Bob,

“Would you like me to help?

I love helping things!”

He said with a yelp.

And he pushed his black nose,

Down onto the spot,

‘Til it was stuck on the tip,

Like an old piece of snot.

And he raced off to home,

To the pond in the back,

And set the frog down,

On the edge of the grass.

“Thank you!” said the frog,

“I owe you a lot!

If not for you,

I would have died on that rock!”

“Aw, twas nothin’!

Just usin’ my nose!

It’s what friends do for friends,

And we’re friends, don’t you know!”

And that’s how he became,

Did Bob the white dog,

The bestest of friends,

With a little round frog.

Huntin’ Cougar: Part 2

A huntin’ we will go! A huntin’ we will go! Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a huntin’ we will go!

Welcome back, kiddo’s! Have you all been studying your bibles? Good!

Before we go a huntin’, let’s review what we learned last episode. For our packs we’re going to need our gun (loaded), casual attire (to blend in), your bible (that you’ve been reading), and a ring (to lure the cougar into your trap). Let’s see, we also learned there are lots of cougars out there and we have to be very selective, they live primarily in the hills around a large city, and they have a good coat, nice nails, and pearly-white teeth!

Well, I think that’s everything! Let’s go huntin’!

Okay, once you think you’ve spotted you’re prey (remember, we’re going for the “golden” cougar, not the average neighborhood stray), you’ll need to track ‘er for a while. Stay back, get the lay of the land and watch her from a distance. Calculate your approach. Look for any advantages you might have. Is she alone? (Make sure there are no cubs or spouses lingering about.) Does she look comfortable and healthy? (There’s nothin’ worse then a sick or jumpy cougar, because they can turn on you in a second, and if that happens you won’t stand a chance.)

Good. You’ve finally found your cougar. Now’s the time to use the ring and make a carful approach. The whole she-bang rests on how well you approach your prey. Circle around her and come in from her backside, confident but not too quickly, while slipping on the ring (no hands in pockets, she’s got to see the ring for it to work). Don’t go directly to the prey, you have to work your way into her inner circle first. Just get within a few feet and loiter there, letting her get comfortable to your presence. If you just go straight in she’s liable to tear your head off! And remember, always have an escape route planned out ahead of time and keep your cool, they can smell fear!

Now each situation is different. Here’s a common situation and ways to make first contact.

The Drinking Hole:
If you find yourself at a drinking hole, come up casually beside her and get yourself a drink. It’s what she’s there for and she won’t suspect that you’re actually on the prowl.

Now, depending on the temperament of the cougar, different tactics will get you different results.

Mothering/Nurturing Type:
If she looks to be the mothering/nurturing type, you’re gonna need to look wounded. Not too wounded, you have to maintain a certain dominance and charisma, but a stoic-woundedness, like you’re trying to keep it at bay, will go a long way. Let your ring tell most of your story. Play with your drink. When she’s watching, act like you just noticed your ring (you can even “accidentally” clink it to draw attention) and you just can’t wear it anymore. Slip it off and place it, like it hurt you, a little ways from you. Make sure it’s far enough away to signify the pain of it, but not so far that you’ve given up on it. This will play on their need to fix everything and should draw her in through sympathy. Start conversation with with a mumbled apology about having a “really bad day”. Most of the time they will feed you your story with their questions. Go with it.

The Bitch-Kitty:
If she looks like a true bitch-kitty, you’ll probably have better luck going with the pissed off angle. Slam your ring down. Mumble some mild curse words under your breath. Take long, deep drinks. Act like you need a distraction. Like you are searching for a distraction. Be prepared to let a few minor details of your anger slip through as you “don’t want to talk about it” with her.

Congratulations! Your camo has worked and you’re in her world. Now it’s all up to you. I’ve prepared you as best as I can. It’s time to use the ring and the knowledge gathered from the bible. Don’t be deterred if you’re rebuffed initially, she’s just checking to make sure you’re not a pretender. Be patient but present, make sure she knows you’re there. Remember, each situation and she-beast are different. A lot of your success is going to depend on your ability to adapt, so be ready to change your approach at a moments notice.

Now go make me proud and get yourself a trophy cougar!!! Ain’t nothin’ quite like the first time you get to use your gun on a cougar! Just remember to take lots of pictures! There’s no point in a trophy if you can’t brag about it later!

Join us for our next adventure: Huntin’ Chicks! Where we’ll show you how to get your lips around some tasty tail-feathers!

‘Til next time, remember our motto, “Practice makes perfect”, so keep it up!

Still single,

Scott