Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays

Are you a wild and crazy, single-and-happy-about-it, free-spirit that’s finding it hard to cope with the incessant questioning by “supportive” family members? Do you dread holiday get-togethers because people “in love” don’t understand you? Have you taken drastic measures in the past to avoid these people?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then the “Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays” is what you’ve been looking for!

What you’ll find in the “Singles Guide To Happy-Family-Holidays”:

Combat Comebacks: The art of expertly picking apart your annoying relatives!
Pre-emptive Strike Guidance: How to get to them before they get to you!
Lying to Grandma: How to sugar-coat the bullshit!
Pre-gather Punch: 12 delicious recipes sure to have you slurring before the first question!
Homo-elusion: Real, homosexual-tested, gay statements to once and for all stop the questioning!
Plus Much More!!!!

Only 8 easy payments of $19.95!!

Order now and receive, free of charge, the “Pocket-Prod”! The world’s only pocket-size cattle prod!

Actual Customer Testimonial — “They wouldn’t stop asking me questions! But one touch of the Pocket-Prod and, voila, no more questions! Thank you, Pocket-Prod!”

Actual Customer Testimonial — “My Pocket-Prod arrived in the mail today and I can’t believe how cute it is! And it fits so easily in my purse! I can’t wait for Grandma to ask me about grandchildren this Christmas!”

!!On-Line Special Only!!

Order on-line and get the Pocket-Pod “Crippler” attachment! Twice the power! Three times the fun!

Still single and anxiously awaiting delivery of my very own Pocket-Prod with Crippler attachment!

Scott

Advertisements

Stop Looking!

Got some advice from a good, and very jaded, friend tonight on how to get women (she’s a woman) that was essentially “stop looking”. This isn’t bad advice… for people that aren’t me!

OK. So, here’s the deal. I have spent most of my life “not” looking for a mate. Really, I have. I figured that I would just meet her, randomly, like in a movie. It didn’t work (or, at least, hasn’t so far).

I always thought it was because I couldn’t tell when women were interested. Because I didn’t walk up and randomly hit on women. And most importantly because I didn’t go to college (and therefore never learned the art of picking up chicks).

As it turns out, I was almost right.

Sure, all of those things have a bearing on whether or not I meet “the one” (or even “you’ll do”). But even taken together, the likelihood of not meeting someone is really unlikely! I mean, random things happen every day, right! Given my interactions with women, I was bound to screw up eventually and actually meet someone!

Nope!

And I’ve come to a realization over the years as to why that is. It’s my personality! I have a pretty good one. I’m nice and non-threatening. I care and I listen. Sure, I make a fair number of rude and/or off-color remarks (I am a “perpetual line stepper” according to my friend Travis), but it’s all in fun. People like me.

Do you see the problem yet? No? Well, put it all together…

I am:
girl’s-interested challenged
pick-up-on-chicks challenged
collegiately-dating challenged
nice
non-threatening
funny
a listener
I care

“What’s that spell!!!” (sorry, cheerleader fantasy come true)

I’ll tell you what that spells! One of two things. I’m either:
A: Gay
B: Married

I am, and have never been, either of those!

So what do I do? If I go out looking for the girl, I don’t seem to find her. If I don’t look for the girl, she doesn’t find me!

Damnit! Why is life so difficult!!!

Still single and having a hard time choosing between the assless chaps or a wedding ring,

Scott

Hey! We’re Gay!

You heard me right, my little voyeurs! We here at Serially Single have gone gay! We are totally out of the closet and in your face!

No! No! No! Not me!

And not Sabina, either!

We’ve let an old gay friend of mine, Chrissey, join the fray!

So, make sure to post lewd, rude, and crude comments! She loves it like that!

Still single and very much straight and boring,

Scott

P.S. How do you know that a house was built by lesbians? There are no studs and nothing got nailed. It’s all just tongue n’ groove!