Stop Looking!

Got some advice from a good, and very jaded, friend tonight on how to get women (she’s a woman) that was essentially “stop looking”. This isn’t bad advice… for people that aren’t me!

OK. So, here’s the deal. I have spent most of my life “not” looking for a mate. Really, I have. I figured that I would just meet her, randomly, like in a movie. It didn’t work (or, at least, hasn’t so far).

I always thought it was because I couldn’t tell when women were interested. Because I didn’t walk up and randomly hit on women. And most importantly because I didn’t go to college (and therefore never learned the art of picking up chicks).

As it turns out, I was almost right.

Sure, all of those things have a bearing on whether or not I meet “the one” (or even “you’ll do”). But even taken together, the likelihood of not meeting someone is really unlikely! I mean, random things happen every day, right! Given my interactions with women, I was bound to screw up eventually and actually meet someone!

Nope!

And I’ve come to a realization over the years as to why that is. It’s my personality! I have a pretty good one. I’m nice and non-threatening. I care and I listen. Sure, I make a fair number of rude and/or off-color remarks (I am a “perpetual line stepper” according to my friend Travis), but it’s all in fun. People like me.

Do you see the problem yet? No? Well, put it all together…

I am:
girl’s-interested challenged
pick-up-on-chicks challenged
collegiately-dating challenged
nice
non-threatening
funny
a listener
I care

“What’s that spell!!!” (sorry, cheerleader fantasy come true)

I’ll tell you what that spells! One of two things. I’m either:
A: Gay
B: Married

I am, and have never been, either of those!

So what do I do? If I go out looking for the girl, I don’t seem to find her. If I don’t look for the girl, she doesn’t find me!

Damnit! Why is life so difficult!!!

Still single and having a hard time choosing between the assless chaps or a wedding ring,

Scott

Glad To Be Single

Most days I’m kind of on the fence about being single. There are things I miss about having a partner, but there are also things I’m glad to not have to deal with. Recent situations have made me realize that relationships are sooooo not all they’re cracked up to be.

Let’s see, there’s the gal who doesn’t make plans of her own because she’s hoping that her guy will ask her to do something with him. There’s the girl who puts up with a drunken boyfriend and does his bidding, fully knowing that he’s not the guy she wants to marry. Then there’s the girl who gets beat on by her boyfriend but thinks that the good outweighs the bad.

Seriously ladies?! I mean I know the pickins are slim, but isn’t it better to be single than to entirely forego a social life? Isn’t it better to do your own thing that put up with an asshole for a boyfriend? Isn’t it far far better to be alone than to be beat?!

I just don’t understand it. When I am in a relationship, it has to be a shared interest. We have to have out separate social lives, and there will definitely be clear boundaries. For example, I sure as hell am not going to let a drunk partner paw me until he pukes and passes out while I miss hanging out with my friends. And the person who lays a hand on me better have health insurance for when I break their hand.

Am I wrong here? Does a relationship really require so much compromise as to suck away pieces of one’s identity? I don’t want a relationship that makes me put my own life on hold. I don’t know where I’ll be five years from now, but I sure as hell don’t want to be regretting the things I didn’t do because a partner was demanding of me!

Lesbian Dating in Portland

I was talking about this with some friends the other night. See, Portland, Oregon is the lesbian capital of America. Portland has a higher per capita lesbian population than anywhere else. So, I ought to have the best luck finding the love of my life here, right?

Here’s what I have discovered about lesbian dating in Portland. When meeting up for that first date, there are two options: Starbucks at the Square, or the Egyptian club. And you can tell what kind of person she is based on which venue she chooses! Also, despite the high population of lesbians, the actual dating pool is kind of small, increasing the liklihood of continually running into exes or at least someone you’ve been out with before. Basically, it’s predictable and I’m thinking that the lesbians of Portland are in a rut.

I don’t know if straight daters experience this same rut or not. How can I get out of this rut? Maybe it’s officially time I looked outside of Portland?

The Reality of the “One That Got Away”

In response to Chrissey’s last post, Awkward.

Well, honestly, if it’s anything like my experiences, you walk around thinking, “It should have been me! It should have been me! Why wasn’t it me?”

Of course, that wears off after you sober up and have a few hours of sleep!

The real trick is to realize that if you really were meant to be the one, then it shouldn’t have taken 10 years to realize that.

And, sure, it’s awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s also just how things work. We want (usually with all our stupid heart and none of our brain) that which we can’t have. The good thing is that wears off and then you realize you really didn’t want that. In fact, (seeing as how in Chrissey’s case she’s straight and wants penis) you will eventually understand that not getting what you thought you wanted is probably the best thing that could have happened.

As for the hot date thing, does it really make a difference? You’ll still feel the same way! The only way you wouldn’t feel the same way was if you actually didn’t care anymore. Besides, you can’t be sure they would even notice and if they didn’t that would be even more upsetting.

So chill! It’s the past. Let it stay there!

And Chrissey, you have bigger fish (that you’re still hooked on and need to cut the line before she pulls you under) to fry.

Still single and living the life of a man of God (at least the celibate part),

Scott

Sabina, get out of my head!

I know, weird title, but really, Sabina, would you please stop using my arguments for being single! I mean, come on, I have always been the one that says, “Well, I don’t know where I’ll be in…”, and “I would, but I really like the flexibility of…” I’m the one that pays too much in rent because of the what ifs. What if I buy something and then actually do meet someone and they don’t like the house? Or what if I buy a house and then lose my job and I find another job, somewhere else, and I can’t take it because I have the house I bought?

This is my head! These are my excuses! Stop it!

As for the commitment thing, I’m not afraid of commitment. Never have been, never will be, and I don’t think you are either. What I’m afraid of is committing to the wrong thing. I’m not looking for just anyone, like most people seem to be. I’m looking for “The One”. I’m not going to settle. Period. I like who I am far too much to just settle for the next girl that looks my way. I want someone just as unstable and perfectly fucked-up as I am.

Is that too much to ask for? Probably. But it’s not going to stop me from trying. And I think that’s what you’re doing. Like me, your happiness is far too important to just throw away on any ol’ guy. You’re not going to settle until you find “The One” either. Unfortunately for us, that means there are probably 5,999,999,999 “Not The Ones” out there just looking to screw things up. We’ll just have to wade through the muck and hope we don’t meet any land-mines on the way.

So, in short, keep your head up and keep looking! They’re out there somewhere. I’m sure of it. (At least there better be, or what the hell are we bothering ourselves over!)

And enjoy the benefits as much as possible. Sure, it’s like playing with dynamite, and you might get a little damaged when things do blow up, but what’s life without a little risk?

Okay, now get out of my head!

Still single,

Scott

P.S. I still think friendship and sex can lead to a lasting relationship. I just don’t think it can lead to what we’re looking for. I think what we need is best-friendship and sex. We need a life-long partner in crime that likes to have sex with us to! In fact, I think I’ll refer to this (as of yet imaginary) person as my BFFF (Best Fuck-Friend Forever). S.