The Difference of a Day

You may find this hard to believe, fair reader, but today I am content with my singularity.

I know, I know, after reading this blog you may think I’m at best a huge whiner, at worst a crazed schizo with split personalities, but the simple fact is that I’m a little bit of both and a lot more. (Just like you, I like to imagine.) What comes out depends on my mood, my intent with the blog, and, of course, my current state of sobriety. Often, I’m not exactly sure what’s lurking in the depths of my consciousness, and am just as surprised at what is produced  when I put finger to keyboard as I’m sure you are.

So, for the moment, I am content, maybe even happy, to be free from the worry of relating, questioning, or considering the rest of existence. This morning it was all about me, my, and I! A fresh cup of coffee next to the river, a good book (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) on the Kindle, and the freedom to enjoy the cloudless, 50 degree day blooming before me.

So, yeah, today I am content. The lingering effects of last night’s beers, my want and worry, my overwhelming desire to be attached, all gone. Today I am Single, not single.

That, my friends, is the difference of a day.

Still happily unattached and daydreaming of ways to mess that all up,

Scott

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I’m In Love With A Girl That Doesn’t Exist

It’s true. I’m in love with a girl that doesn’t exist. I don’t even know her name. Actually, she doesn’t have a name because she lives in my head. I don’t even really know what she looks like. Sometimes I think she looks like Zooey Deschanel. But most of the time she’s kinda of a blur.

Mostly I know that she doesn’t like all of the same things I do, thinks different from me, and makes me laugh. I like her because she’s “real” with me.

Yeah, I’m in love with a fantasy of a girl that gets pissed at me and tells me no!

I guess I’m kind of a realist when it comes to fantasy (at least the kind of fantasy I can freely divulge on this blog). I think I know why though. I think it’s because deep down, at the core of it all, I’m a desperately practical man. As much crap as I talk, as crazy as I’m able to think, deep down I analyze the situation and take the safe, easy route. The one that won’t land me in jail. The one that won’t rape my wallet. The one that won’t make me look attractive to the kind of girls I really (think I) want to meet.

God I have a lot to change…

Well, my rum and coke is empty, so I guess I’ll stop there.

Is this a good post? I guess I don’t care. I have rum to drink and girls in bikinis in tropical Mexico to watch.

Oh,  and the whole “changing the inner-me” stuff to work on.

Still single and sitting alone in a hotel room drinking rum and thinking about life, my core being, and girls in bikinis,

Scott

[FYI Context Update: As of 1:42 am the author would like to note that a 750 ml bottle of Tommy Bahama (yes, of the Hawaiian Shirt variety) Rum that was 1/4 empty prior to the nights events is now standing at 3/4 empty! Yes, I drank half the bottle tonight! Oops! Scott]

!!!GIDDY!!!

So… the girl from the blind date read my last blog (I gave it to my friend and she passed it along). Only problem is that it made her feel kind of bad and me look like I was desperately impatient. And now that I re-read it from her perspective, I feel bad! Cause I can totally see her point.

Sure, I started off with the “Oh me! Oh my! How lame, oh lame, am I?” crap, but at the end it could easily be interpreted like I was putting it all on her by saying she now had my contact info but hadn’t contacted me! Like that’s fair! I’m the lame one that didn’t talk to her on our date! And, of course, that wasn’t what I meant (famous last words)! The part about her not contacting me yet was there for dramatic affect. Anyone that knows me knows I do that!

Oh, but wait, she doesn’t know me! I didn’t talk to her! How could she know that?

You know, sometimes, I can be really stupid!

But, there is a silver lining! We do still have the second date planned. It looks like it will be sooner then I originally thought (YAY!). And, best of all, she’s still looking forward to it! (thus the title of this post)

So, blind date girl (no I’m not giving you guys her name), if you happen to read this, please understand that while I may be an idiot at times, I’m usually a well-intentioned idiot. And, that I’m sorry for not talking to you in the first place. I promise, I totally plan on talking to you on our next date! In fact, I stopped on my way home tonight and bought some Miracle Grow (I checked, it says it works on nuts) just to make sure!

Still single… but hoping!

Scott

Oh, and just to clarify, this is not desperately impatient. This is anxious and excited.

OK… I really have to shut-up now!

The List: An Explanation

Hello to all my readers that reside in their Black and White worlds! This is Scott, coming to you live from a world of color!

As I’m sure most of you are aware, I recently posted a blog with partial list of my wants in a mate. Well, based on the responses that post has generated, it has come to my attention that I have some ‘splainin’ to do! So, for those living in their black and white worlds, before you read this, you may want to put on some safety glasses or a rain poncho, because I wouldn’t want my world bleeding into, and making a blurry mess of, your well defined, yes or no, world.

Let me start off by stating the obvious. I don’t know what I want in a mate. That list of wants you took so literally do not, will not, can not, and should not be read as a definition of the person that I am looking for, wanting, or should even be with. It was just a list of wants. It was a list based on the laziest-of-lazy logic and emotion. And, as with all wants, it meant nothing.

That’s right! I said it! Wants are worthless, pointless, and mean absolutely nothing! Wants are not based on fact, or sound logic, and shouldn’t be taken as such. Wants, at their best, are based on the weakest data possible, past personal experiences. At their worst, they’re based on imagined, or second-hand, experience. The only way wants could ever be meaningful and literal is if you had experienced everything, and I do mean everything, that has, or will, ever happen. I don’t know about your worlds, but in mine, that’s a flat-out impossibility.

So, then, why did I even bother making the list? Easy. Because even though they mean nothing, I still have them, and yes, still rely on them to guide me.

Does that mean I take them literally? OH HELL NO! For one thing, if you could see that list through my eyes, you would notice that each word is a different shade of color, with a different level of intensity, and are written in a variety of text sizes. Some of the words would be big, bold, and obvious while others would be miniscule and nearly invisible. And even then, the list would mean nothing, because I don’t know what I want. I just haven’t experienced enough to be definitive.

So why write this post? Because I want to be absolutely certain that everyone knows that the only thing I am absolutely sure of is that I am absolutely sure of nothing! In fact, I am so sure that I am sure of nothing, that I can’t even guarantee that the person I do end up with won’t match that list perfectly. Who knows, maybe I will meet a person that fits that list. And what if they do match that list? Does it mean I should, or even want, to be with them? No. So stop taking things so literally, damn-it! I don’t know what I’m talking about!

Still single and avoiding things I don’t think I want,

Scott

What I Hope For This Blog

So, I’m 31 and still single. This wasn’t the plan. And since I know what it’s like to be single, male, and in America, I thought I would invite others to expand the concept of being single.

What’s it like being single and female?

Single in another country?

Single by choice?

These are some of the topics I hope to elaborate on in the coming months.

Scott