The Little Round Frog

This has nothing to do with dating or being single. It’s just a children’s poem that I wrote that I rather like! ~Scott

The Little Round Frog

The Little Round Frog

by Scott Weaver

Born in the mud,

From under a log,

On a backwater creek,

Come a funny little frog.

Now most frogs come out,

Two eyes and a tail,

With no arms or legs,

They look like a snail.

This frog, though,

Was just a squishy little ball,

With two eyes in the middle,

And no tail at all.

Now most frogs, they swim,

‘Til that tail falls off,

To reveal two little legs,

All ready to hop.

But our little frog,

Not able to swim,

Quickly lost sight of that log,

As the waves carried him.

Away and away,

Our little frog went,

Down that backwater creek,

Only going where it sent.

Until finally one day,

With a resounding “ker-plop”,

He was tossed on a rock

Where he came to a stop.

Now he might have died right there,

On top of that rock,

If Bob, the white dog,

Hadn’t seen that green spot.

Now, Bob, being curious,

As dogs tend to be,

Crept up to the rock,

To have a look-see.

What he saw was a spot,

With two little eyes,

Looking up at him,

With fear and surprise.

“What are you?”

Bob asked the little green spot,

“I think I’m a frog,

Stuck on a rock”.

“Well, hello little frog,

Stuck on a rock!

I’m Bob the white dog!”

He said to the spot.

“Where are your legs?

That let you hop, hop, hop, hop?”

“I haven’t got any legs.

I just roll and ker-plop!”

“Oh!” said Bob,

“Would you like me to help?

I love helping things!”

He said with a yelp.

And he pushed his black nose,

Down onto the spot,

‘Til it was stuck on the tip,

Like an old piece of snot.

And he raced off to home,

To the pond in the back,

And set the frog down,

On the edge of the grass.

“Thank you!” said the frog,

“I owe you a lot!

If not for you,

I would have died on that rock!”

“Aw, twas nothin’!

Just usin’ my nose!

It’s what friends do for friends,

And we’re friends, don’t you know!”

And that’s how he became,

Did Bob the white dog,

The bestest of friends,

With a little round frog.

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Don’t Sweat It

WARNING: What I’m about to tell you, including all descriptions, statements, and characters, is sadly, depressingly, real and true. I’m not making this up.

I have one huge, glaringly obvious, attribute that I, and every one else, am terribly conscious of. It’s the bane of my existence and probably a key reason I’m single. I sweat.

Now, before those that don’t know me go making the conclusion that I’m being silly or overdramatic, you have to understand what I’m talking about. If you’ve never had the displeasure of watching me drip sweat because it’s above 65 degrees or there are more then 3 people in a room, you just have no idea how bad this is. I’m not talking about a few beads of perspiration on my forehead or even moist pits. No, I’m talking about soaked hair, drip off the nose, freshly showered wetness. I am Niagara to your dripping faucet. And no matter how you look at it, an overly-sweaty man is not attractive.

If you’re wondering why I sweat so much, I have to blame my parents. I have always been a sweater. In baseball I had to have my own helmets and gear because no one else wanted to wear something you could wring sweat out of. I got the sweating from my father, who is also a sweater. If he goes dancing, he has to take a towel and 3 shirts to change into throughout the night. When he ski’s he has to take an extra set of clothes to change into afterwards because his clothes are soaked by the time he’s done.

But the fun doesn’t stop there! Not only do I sweat profusely, I also inherited a tendency towards dehydration (which is only heightened because of the sweating) from my mother. I intake well over 100 ounces of fluid a day. I am always drinking something (mostly water, if you’re wondering). I have to. Otherwise I would shrivel up and die!

So why am I baring my sweaty-soul in a blog post? Because I know I can’t be the only one with this issue. There must be others that suffer from perpetual wetness, and I just want them to know that I’m here for them. I feel their pain. And I also want you lucky, dry, people out there to know that we would change this if we could. We would love to be sweat-free and to stop wiping our brows or wiping our palms on our jeans for every handshake. The problem is, we can’t. So, next time you see a sweaty guy sitting in the corner at a party, trying to discretely swipe the sweat from his face, take a towel over and talk to him. You never know, he could be “The One”! Sure, he maybe a sweaty “One”, but what’s a little moisture between soul mates?

Also, I could use some cool, sweat free, dating suggestions. At this point I have come to the conclusion that I can only date during late Fall and Winter months, when the weather is conducive to my overly sweaty nature. It’s that or in a cold-locker at a local restaurant. Any other ideas?

Still single and sweating like a freakin’ pig,

Scott

Take a Good Whiff…

Believe it, or not, you may actually want to take a second and really smell your next date. Your response to their smell is a good indicator of whether or not you and your date are a good genetic match, immunologically speaking at least.

Yeah, you read that right. How someone smells to you, deep down, past the perfume and bodywash, to the real body odor, can tell you a lot about a persons genetic immune system. The better they smell to you, the more likely they are a good genetic match to you.

How does someone’s scent tell me they’re a good genetic match?
Well, first off you need to understand what you’re smelling. As amazing as it may seem, the sweat that pops up on your forehead and under your arms, and that everyone blames for body odor, doesn’t actually smell. What does smell are the bacteria, or, more correctly, the waste secreted by the bacteria, that reside on all our bodies. You see, the sweat comes out of our pours and is absorbed by the bacteria living on our skin. The bacteria then use the sweat and expel the waste the bacteria has generated. Since they live on your skin, they expel that waste on your skin, and that’s what smells.

So, bacteria smell. How does that translate to my genetic makeup?
Each person has a different set of genes that make up the backbone of your immune system. Based on those genes, you will be (to varying degrees) susceptible or immune to certain diseases and bacteria. Because of this, only the bacteria that you are susceptible to (that your immune system can’t kill) can live on you. And since it’s the bacterial waste that gives you your scent, it indicates which immunity genes you carry.

So if they smell good to me, does that mean they have a similar genetic immunity to me?
Nope. The exact opposite! (who knew that even in genetics, opposites attract) A person’s scent will smell good to you when they don’t smell like you. It’s because, somewhere deep down in our subconscious, we naturally understand that a diverse set of genetics (no inbreeding) means a better chance for our offspring to survive. So, the better they smell to you, (the more diverse their bacteria are to yours) the more likely they are to be carrying immunity genes that you yourself do not, which means your offspring will have a more complete of immunity genes and be immune to more bacteria.

However, if you’re a little worried that burying your nose in your date’s neck and taking a big ol’ whiff might be a little off-turning, there’s a more acceptable solution. Rather then sniffing your date, you can get a spit sample (swab the inside of their cheek) and check their actual genetic immunity against yours. It’s called “Spit Dating”, and it’s coming to a dating scene near you. Click here to learn more.

Who knew that “being led around by your nose” might not be bad thing when it comes to finding your perfect (genetic) match! Crazy, huh!

Still single… and “I was just checking our genetic compatibility! Gosh!”,

Scott

P.S. Wondering where I get this crap? TV of course! Here’s the show, Popular Science: The Future Of…, I watched to get this tidbit!