I’m In Like Flynn

Well, not exactly, I haven’t actually molested any children or anything… but I am in my apartment!

Yep, everything got moved back in Monday!!!

Now all I have to do is go through all this shit! And let me tell you, there’s a bunch of it! If I ever do meet a girl she better not have anything, cause I don’t have room for her crap to! (What do you mean you have clothes? No! No! Just use some of mine!)

You know, after 2 days of moving back in, I sure could use a vacation! Stay in a nice hotel, not have to do anything… that would be the life!!!

Still single and practicing an unpacking spell… which isn’t working, but then neither am I,

Scott

P.S. If you don’t know the meaning of the title, here’s a little education In Like Flynn and don’t blame me for it catching on!

I’m In Love With A Girl That Doesn’t Exist

It’s true. I’m in love with a girl that doesn’t exist. I don’t even know her name. Actually, she doesn’t have a name because she lives in my head. I don’t even really know what she looks like. Sometimes I think she looks like Zooey Deschanel. But most of the time she’s kinda of a blur.

Mostly I know that she doesn’t like all of the same things I do, thinks different from me, and makes me laugh. I like her because she’s “real” with me.

Yeah, I’m in love with a fantasy of a girl that gets pissed at me and tells me no!

I guess I’m kind of a realist when it comes to fantasy (at least the kind of fantasy I can freely divulge on this blog). I think I know why though. I think it’s because deep down, at the core of it all, I’m a desperately practical man. As much crap as I talk, as crazy as I’m able to think, deep down I analyze the situation and take the safe, easy route. The one that won’t land me in jail. The one that won’t rape my wallet. The one that won’t make me look attractive to the kind of girls I really (think I) want to meet.

God I have a lot to change…

Well, my rum and coke is empty, so I guess I’ll stop there.

Is this a good post? I guess I don’t care. I have rum to drink and girls in bikinis in tropical Mexico to watch.

Oh,  and the whole “changing the inner-me” stuff to work on.

Still single and sitting alone in a hotel room drinking rum and thinking about life, my core being, and girls in bikinis,

Scott

[FYI Context Update: As of 1:42 am the author would like to note that a 750 ml bottle of Tommy Bahama (yes, of the Hawaiian Shirt variety) Rum that was 1/4 empty prior to the nights events is now standing at 3/4 empty! Yes, I drank half the bottle tonight! Oops! Scott]

!!!GIDDY!!!

So… the girl from the blind date read my last blog (I gave it to my friend and she passed it along). Only problem is that it made her feel kind of bad and me look like I was desperately impatient. And now that I re-read it from her perspective, I feel bad! Cause I can totally see her point.

Sure, I started off with the “Oh me! Oh my! How lame, oh lame, am I?” crap, but at the end it could easily be interpreted like I was putting it all on her by saying she now had my contact info but hadn’t contacted me! Like that’s fair! I’m the lame one that didn’t talk to her on our date! And, of course, that wasn’t what I meant (famous last words)! The part about her not contacting me yet was there for dramatic affect. Anyone that knows me knows I do that!

Oh, but wait, she doesn’t know me! I didn’t talk to her! How could she know that?

You know, sometimes, I can be really stupid!

But, there is a silver lining! We do still have the second date planned. It looks like it will be sooner then I originally thought (YAY!). And, best of all, she’s still looking forward to it! (thus the title of this post)

So, blind date girl (no I’m not giving you guys her name), if you happen to read this, please understand that while I may be an idiot at times, I’m usually a well-intentioned idiot. And, that I’m sorry for not talking to you in the first place. I promise, I totally plan on talking to you on our next date! In fact, I stopped on my way home tonight and bought some Miracle Grow (I checked, it says it works on nuts) just to make sure!

Still single… but hoping!

Scott

Oh, and just to clarify, this is not desperately impatient. This is anxious and excited.

OK… I really have to shut-up now!

Be Quiet. Be Vewy, Vewy, Quiet. [UPDATE]

Yep, I did it again! I went on another date. This time, it was a blind date. She is a friend of a friends partner. We all (me, my friend from work, her partner, and my date) went to a comedy club last friday.

She was gorgeous!!!

I was quiet…

She has a 5 month old daughter!!!

That doesn’t bother me at all, but I didn’t tell her that…

She ordered the same drink I did!!!

But I didn’t make a single comment about it…

She got really mad about a drunk guy that kept running into me!!!

But I don’t believe in arguing with the drunk and stupid, so I didn’t make a sound…

She works in IT, like me!!!

But I didn’t ask a single question…

She later told my friend and her partner that I was very quiet!!!

And suddenly I sent off about 4 BILLION text messages to that friend about how lame I was and that she should really send the girl my person contact information!!!

And my friend sent off the information!!!!

But I haven’t heard a word…

Still single, and just realized that Elmer Fudd was talking about hunting, not dating.

Scott

[UPDATE] While I still haven’t heard from her personally, I have heard from my friend that she enjoyed the date and wishes I hadn’t been so quiet. She’s looking forward to date #2!

Which, by the way, at this point looks to be another double date in mid December. What are we doing? Going to a strip club!!!!

I sure do live an odd singles life!!!!

Scott

The Birthday Dilemma

So, tomorrow is my 32nd birthday. 32 years old. No kids. No wife. No girlfriend. Not even a real prospect. Not even a messy divorce to blame it all on. Just me. I’m not the hit-on kinda guy, and everyone know’s it’s the hit-on kinda guy that gets the girl (apparently it’s something about actually talking to them, or so I hear).

So here’s the dilemma, what do I do? I want most of those things (not in that order, obviously) but don’t know how to go about it. I’ve been doing the dating thing and that doesn’t seem to be working out (either they don’t respond or they do respond and I wish they hadn’t). I don’t get hit-on myself. I don’t have a friend pool to really pull from (not to say there aren’t women in the circles I run in that I wouldn’t date, it’s just that their friends, and they’re everyone’s friends, so if it goes bad…). No one sets me up with other people (apparently I am unique — weird — enough that NO one — and I mean NO one — knows anyone that might be right for me). And they’re not coming to my front door.

So what do I do?

God, I don’t even have an ex to hook up with. I’ve already run through that very short list!

Well, I guess I could just run over a girl on my new bike…

Novara Aspen, my new bike.

Do you think CPR counts as a first kiss?

Still single and pedaling towards love,

Scott

Glad To Be Single

Most days I’m kind of on the fence about being single. There are things I miss about having a partner, but there are also things I’m glad to not have to deal with. Recent situations have made me realize that relationships are sooooo not all they’re cracked up to be.

Let’s see, there’s the gal who doesn’t make plans of her own because she’s hoping that her guy will ask her to do something with him. There’s the girl who puts up with a drunken boyfriend and does his bidding, fully knowing that he’s not the guy she wants to marry. Then there’s the girl who gets beat on by her boyfriend but thinks that the good outweighs the bad.

Seriously ladies?! I mean I know the pickins are slim, but isn’t it better to be single than to entirely forego a social life? Isn’t it better to do your own thing that put up with an asshole for a boyfriend? Isn’t it far far better to be alone than to be beat?!

I just don’t understand it. When I am in a relationship, it has to be a shared interest. We have to have out separate social lives, and there will definitely be clear boundaries. For example, I sure as hell am not going to let a drunk partner paw me until he pukes and passes out while I miss hanging out with my friends. And the person who lays a hand on me better have health insurance for when I break their hand.

Am I wrong here? Does a relationship really require so much compromise as to suck away pieces of one’s identity? I don’t want a relationship that makes me put my own life on hold. I don’t know where I’ll be five years from now, but I sure as hell don’t want to be regretting the things I didn’t do because a partner was demanding of me!

Sabina, get out of my head!

I know, weird title, but really, Sabina, would you please stop using my arguments for being single! I mean, come on, I have always been the one that says, “Well, I don’t know where I’ll be in…”, and “I would, but I really like the flexibility of…” I’m the one that pays too much in rent because of the what ifs. What if I buy something and then actually do meet someone and they don’t like the house? Or what if I buy a house and then lose my job and I find another job, somewhere else, and I can’t take it because I have the house I bought?

This is my head! These are my excuses! Stop it!

As for the commitment thing, I’m not afraid of commitment. Never have been, never will be, and I don’t think you are either. What I’m afraid of is committing to the wrong thing. I’m not looking for just anyone, like most people seem to be. I’m looking for “The One”. I’m not going to settle. Period. I like who I am far too much to just settle for the next girl that looks my way. I want someone just as unstable and perfectly fucked-up as I am.

Is that too much to ask for? Probably. But it’s not going to stop me from trying. And I think that’s what you’re doing. Like me, your happiness is far too important to just throw away on any ol’ guy. You’re not going to settle until you find “The One” either. Unfortunately for us, that means there are probably 5,999,999,999 “Not The Ones” out there just looking to screw things up. We’ll just have to wade through the muck and hope we don’t meet any land-mines on the way.

So, in short, keep your head up and keep looking! They’re out there somewhere. I’m sure of it. (At least there better be, or what the hell are we bothering ourselves over!)

And enjoy the benefits as much as possible. Sure, it’s like playing with dynamite, and you might get a little damaged when things do blow up, but what’s life without a little risk?

Okay, now get out of my head!

Still single,

Scott

P.S. I still think friendship and sex can lead to a lasting relationship. I just don’t think it can lead to what we’re looking for. I think what we need is best-friendship and sex. We need a life-long partner in crime that likes to have sex with us to! In fact, I think I’ll refer to this (as of yet imaginary) person as my BFFF (Best Fuck-Friend Forever). S.

The Jealous Type

Am I the jealous type? In a relationship? No. Of those in a relationship? No, not really. Of those who are madly in lust/love? Most definitely!!!!

What brings this up? Well, you see, I have this friend…

Let’s call this friend Girl X. Well, Girl X was in a long-term on-and-off-again relationship with this guy, let’s call him Guy A. Well, Girl X and Guy A were getting along alright, but not spectacularly, and were definitely not meant for the long-haul. I know this, because I was a confidant of Girl X. I head all about it. It’s just that she cared for the guy and had problems telling him exactly how she felt. Well, she’s going along with this thing, living day-to-day, and not really feeling it. Always looking for something else. When, along comes Guy Y.

The connection is nearly instantaneous! They had met a couple times before, but for some reason, this time was different. Enough so, that she immediately decided that it was time to buck up and tell Guy A everything. And, to move back home with her parents because it was over between her and Guy A (yes, they lived together). In fact, it was so good that she went on vacation with Guy X for like a week.

So, today, I saw her for the first time since returning from the aforementioned vacation. She was absolutely glowing. It was a morning-after-sex-glow, only brighter! They’re talking about moving. They’re talking about traveling. They’re talking about having fun.

Of this, I am jealous! I am sooooo damn jealous it’s not even funny!

Wy can’t I find this? Why isn’t it me falling madly in love/lust? Where’s my nice/funny/sweet girl?

Oh love, why doth though deny me?

Still single,

Scott

Manion Seeking Woman

What the hell is a manion? Simple, it’s a hybrid, or a work-in-progress.

A Manion is a man that is transitioning from a man to a companion. (See previous post for definitions)

So, I’m a manion looking for a woman. What about you?

Does that make me a girl?

The new Harry Potter makes me want to fall in love!!! Does that make me a giant girl?

Does the fact that I long for storybook, angst-filled, teenage (not actually from a teenager) love, lessen my manly status? Does it put into question my manhood? Should I be ashamed of how I feel? Should I be telling anyone any if this?

The answer I know to be true. The answer that screams from the deepest recessess of my heart as being true says, “NO!!!”

But what does society say? What do all of those shows with manly men doing manly things in a manly way say? They say, “Yes! You’re a big girl!” They say, “You’re weird!” They even say, “You’re kind of gay!”

Well let it be heard far and wide, from the depths of my manly balls to the tip of my manly balding head, that I, Scott Weaver, AM A ROMANTIC! AND I DON’T CARE!!!

Okay. I feel better now! Back to my icream, apples, and beer. (That doesn’t make me pregnant does it?)

Still single,

Scott