The Waiting

Main Entry: ten·ta·tive
Pronunciation: \ˈten-tə-tiv\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Medieval Latin tentativus, from Latin tentatus, past participle of tentare, temptare to feel, try
Date: 1626
1 : not fully worked out or developed
2 : hesitant, uncertain
— tentative noun
— ten·ta·tive·ly adverb
— ten·ta·tive·ness noun
(from www.merriam-webster.com)

My apartment flooded on December 12, 2009.
At first, a “possible” move-back date, March 19, 2010.
Then came the “shooting-for” date of March 31, 2010.
It is now April 2, 2010, the first “tentative” move-back date. The wind is blowing, the rain is sheeting, and I am writing from… my hotel room.

The girls at the front desk laugh every time I hand them my card key to have it updated to the new check-out date. “You’re never leaving!” they like to tease. It’s become routine. The cute little 19 year-old Abby doesn’t even bat an eye when I walk up, card already extended, and exclaim “Flash me!” They know me.

Don’t get me wrong, I highly recommend the Hilton Homewood Suites in Vancouver, WA. It’s a nice place, with lovely, friendly, and often funny, service. They offer hot breakfast every morning and a hot dinner, with free beer and wine, four nights a week. I have a kitchenette, a sitting room, two flatscreen TVs, and a king-sized bed. It’s a great place and I’ve made some new friends.

But it’s not home.

I know I haven’t posted much since the flood, and what I have posted has been, well, let’s just say less then productive. I apologize. There’s just something sleazy about asking a girl back to your hotel room! And it certainly doesn’t imply a desire for anything long-term.

But all of that’s about to change! From the looks of things, I should be able to move in either tomorrow or Monday! I will have a brand new home to show off and a desire to do “stuff”. I’m making a change!

Does this mean I’m gonna get out there and start hitting the bars, trolling for dates, and talking-up strange women? (Have you actually read any of these posts?) Hell no! When it comes to conventional dating, I’m a huge skeptic. (Not to mention I suck at it.) No, I’ve decided that I’m never going to find what I’m looking for (not that I actually know what that is) by relying on my dating skills and actually attempting to pick-up women. Instead, I’m going to start doing things I like to do and see what happens.

What am I talking about? Well, things like a book club. I’m trying to start up a book club with a couple of the hottest bartenders this side of Mars. I’m also thinking about taking a creative writing class at the local community college. Maybe a ballroom dancing class, or perhaps something in a foreign language. (Hola! Sabina!)

So, expect a whole new level of posts coming soon! Less bitching and more action!

Still single, and waiting… and waiting… and waiting,

Scott

The Difference of a Day

You may find this hard to believe, fair reader, but today I am content with my singularity.

I know, I know, after reading this blog you may think I’m at best a huge whiner, at worst a crazed schizo with split personalities, but the simple fact is that I’m a little bit of both and a lot more. (Just like you, I like to imagine.) What comes out depends on my mood, my intent with the blog, and, of course, my current state of sobriety. Often, I’m not exactly sure what’s lurking in the depths of my consciousness, and am just as surprised at what is produced  when I put finger to keyboard as I’m sure you are.

So, for the moment, I am content, maybe even happy, to be free from the worry of relating, questioning, or considering the rest of existence. This morning it was all about me, my, and I! A fresh cup of coffee next to the river, a good book (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) on the Kindle, and the freedom to enjoy the cloudless, 50 degree day blooming before me.

So, yeah, today I am content. The lingering effects of last night’s beers, my want and worry, my overwhelming desire to be attached, all gone. Today I am Single, not single.

That, my friends, is the difference of a day.

Still happily unattached and daydreaming of ways to mess that all up,

Scott

Huntin’ Cougar: Part 1

A huntin’ we will go! A huntin’ we will go! Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a huntin’ we will go!

That’s right, kiddies! It’s time to go cougar hunting! Now for today’s adventure, you will need to put a few extra-special items in your backpack other then your standard, fully-loaded, gun. Them cougars can be mighty wily prey!

First off, you’re going to need some new clothes! Now, nothin’ too flashy! We don’t want to scare them off, but we will need to blend in to their natural habitat. So I recommend a nice pair of trousers and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Respectful but casual, that’s the name of the game. And you can leave those silly rubbers at home! We’re not fishin’! We’re huntin’! And cougars tend to be dry.

Next you’re gonna need what I like to call the “Cougar Huntin’ Bible”. Don’t worry, it sounds fancy, but it can be picked up in most book stores. Just ask the clerk for a “Bartender’s Bible”. –If they’re young, and don’t know what that is, just have them look up the word of the day, “Mixologist”! You’re sure to get what you need that way!– This book will give you all the tips and tricks you need to capture yourself a cougar. Trust me, it’s served me well over the years! Just remember to practice the lessons in the book first. Cougars will make a damn fool of ya if ya don’t know what you’re doin’!

And last, but most important, you’re gonna need a ring. Somethin’ simple, like a plain band, will do. It signals to the cougar that your safe and they can let their guard down. Now, don’t go gettin’ anything real fancy or nothin’. There’s no point in that. You’d just be wastin’ your money, cause you’re not gonna need it too long. Just long enough to get within’ striking distance, is all ya need it for.

Okay! Got all your supplies? Good!

First, you have to know where to look. I find that the best place to hunt cougar is in the hills. My favorite huntin’ hills are Beverly, but if you’re not in that neck of the woods, any hills in and around a fairly large city will do. The kind of cougars we’ll be huntin’ for like to be above everyone else. Up in the good neighborhoods where there’s plenty of good stuff to eat and it’s easy to hide.

Now, you might be surprised at how many cougars you’ll find out there. But don’t go out and just start trackin’ any ol’ cougar! If you’re not careful, you might find yourself stuck with a broken-down ol’ thing with bad breath and no life in ‘er! That’s not what we’re after. We’re after a very special type of cougar. We’re after the “Golden Cougar”.

How will you know when you’ve found a golden cougar? Simple! She’ll have a good coat, nice nails, pearly-white teeth, and mischief in her eyes! At first, it may take a while to spot one. They’re pretty elusive creatures and they’re real good at hiding in plain sight thanks to their years of experience. You just have to be vigilant and keep a watchful eye.

Oh, would ya look at that! We’re out of time! But don’t worry! On our next episode, the huntin’ begins!!!

Till next time, keep reading those bibles!

Still single, and always packing a fully-loaded gun,

Scott